6. “Go to bed.” “Get up.” I am always wanting them to be asleep when they’re awake and awake when they’re asleep. Sorry, Baby Moms. This crap never ends. SLEEP RIGHT, JOKERS.
7. *Blank, dead-eyed stare* This technically involves no words, but it follows some child’s smart-alecky back talk. It says all it needs to say. BOY, YOU BETTER COME CORRECT OR DON’T COME AT ALL. Don’t even think I am here to play.
8. “Did you ______?” I am asking if they have done the thing I told them to do 27 times already. This is often combined with #7 to deadly effect. Their answer is always no because their complicated lives have yet again interfered with difficult tasks like picking up their shoes.
9. “Too many words.” I have five children and none of them are shy and all of them have too many opinions and some of their things are crushingly boring like descriptions of their dreams and Minecraft. I can’t. Tell Siri. Or tighten up this story.
10. “I love you!” I will say this anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I love you when I drop you off at school. I love you when you leave with your friends. I love you when I’m on the phone with you in front of your people. I don’t even care. I birthed you or adopted you and I will say what I want.
And now you know 94% of all our conversations. Mystery solved. These are the things “I always say.” God bless the children and give them strength to endure.
“You always say that…” is a thing I heard from a spawn this morning. Ah, childhood.
OK, kid. Sure, I’ll play your…
Posted by Jen Hatmaker on Friday, January 13, 2017
