11. Interpretation of eye-rolling. “I’m tired?” “I’m stressed”? “I love my mom like crazy but think I have to act like I don’t in order to be a normal middle-schooler”?
12. Unconditional love as a primary language. To wit: “even though I know you bashed in your bedroom door with a hammer and then covered up the hole with a poster, I still love you and will claim you as my own in public.” (Not that you’re going to be out in public anytime soon, however, because you are grounded–without Wi-Fi–until further notice.)
13. Tween-speak as a second language. Your 11-year-old: “Mom, that lunch you packed me today was on fleek.” You: “Why, thank you, sweetie. I’m glad you liked it and that it really hit the mark.” [Hypothetical example only.]
14. How to navigate the school drop-off line and live to tell about it. Really, is there a reason that child in the car ahead of us has to store his ENTIRE LIFE’S POSSESSIONS in the back of the SUV and unload them at the curb???!!!
15. How to fold a fitted sheet in 67 easy steps. Step 68: give up and cram the thing in the linen closet. Follow up with restorative chocolate.
16. School artwork appreciation 101. “Why, of course, my darling, that looks exactly like a cow sliding down a rainbow, and I absolutely do want to hang it in the middle of the living room wall in the spot currently occupied by your father’s and my wedding portrait.”
17. Multitasking 401. Yes, you can breastfeed a baby while simultaneously making dinner for the rest of the family and texting the school secretary to demur on her request that you head up the elementary fun fair.
18. Cheap jewelry repair. Tweezers and needle-nosed pliers. That’s what I’m talkin’ about, baby. Because that little pink plastic necklace your daughter got in her birthday party goodie bag is, at this moment, the most cherished thing she has ever owned.
19. Advanced sleuthing. The rest of the family cannot find [insert any item necessary to the functioning of the entire household] even though they have looked “everywhere.” Mom will find it in 0.07 seconds with her eyes half-open (see #5, above).
20. Motherhood as cardiovascular workout. Your heart is swelled up by love for your children. Your heart is crushed by love for your children. Repeat ad infinitum for the rest of your life. Because being a mom is a study in continuing education if ever there was one.
You’re already a summa cum laude mom in my book.
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This article originally appeared at Guilty Chocoholic Mama.
