Do I have string in my hair?
Is that what I think it is?
Get it out! Now! I can’t breathe! I think I’m having a panic attack.
Think I got it!
Oh crap! That was a brown one. Don’t need to lose any of those.
Got it! Finally. I think my heart’s beating again. Crisis averted. I’m still brunette.
Wait! What’s that?
All of this on a night I planned to do what (I think) highly effective moms do (I don’t know because I am not one) and go to sleep at a decent time and enjoy more than 5 consecutive hours of sleep.
According to my husband I haven’t been very “pleasant to deal with lately”. Guess what?! A two-nager is not very pleasant to deal with either but I’m her hostage all day long.
But now I am wide awake and working on my time-blocking for tomorrow.
I JUST REALIZED WHY I HAVE GRAY HAIR!
I am time blocking a Saturday. Saturday! You know, the arguable Sabbath, a day to rest and recover. At least a day to spend with family. But nope- here I sit blocking my time into 15 minute increments hoping I will finally get all my little chores finished so I can start next week with a nice checked off list behind me.
It ain’t happenin’.
How do I know this? Since I started my little time-blocking venture I have not managed to check off a whole day yet.
Let’s be honest! I haven’t checked off a half day.
Laundry, dishes, feeding my kids (which fills about 6 hours of my day! Whyyyyy do they need to eat every day? Oh dear Jesus please slow down their metabolism and rain manna from Heaven to fill their tiny, bottomless tummies) cooking, changing diapers, dressing kids, cramming toys back into baskets, and vacuuming up Cheerios take up my entire day before I even get to the “To Do” list.
Can you read that? The super important time block I never made it to today? It says “Nature Walk Scavenger Hunt”. What kind of lunatic scheduled that into my Friday? I mean- that’s ambitious for a Monday! But a FRIDAY??? Oh yeah- the gray haired Mama up at 2 am this morning trying to plan the most simultaneously productive, engaging, and enriching day possible for her kids! Clearly that gray hair was doing witch craftery things to my brain.
That was 3 weeks ago.
And that was the day I quit.
What has happened in today’s mom culture that:
1- my entire day is broken down into 15-20 minute increments.
2- I schedule specific play times with my kids ON PAPER
3- I go to bed at 2 am every morning feeling like I am drowning in failure and neglecting my family.
It should not be like this, Moms! We love our children but does that really require being their personal assistant and entertainmnt all day every day? Is being a good mom defined by the number of items we are checking off on our “To Do” list? Is our value measured by home-cooked, organic meals and laundry loads? My Pinterest page sure looks that way.
And please, let me go ahead and apologize because I am part of the problem! Every day at 2:30 (p.m. not a.m.) a dear, precious friends calls asking for cooking advice. At least every other day she says,