Before that moment, the closest I had come to this situation was when Liz said to me a few months back, “Daddy, I don’t like Jenny.”
“Why, what did she do?”
“She wears purple clothes every single day.”
But this one hit much closer to home. It’s my son. It’s real. He does look different. And it’s not the last time he is going to hear this from someone.
In fact, he’s getting a regular preview of what’s to come. Since Liz first pointed out his arms are different, she has also told him his toes are stuck together and he has one sick arm.
When she says these things to him, different emotions come over me. I feel bad for him. I get mad at her even though she’s five-years-old and doesn’t know any better. I feel like a failure myself for making a child with deformities that will make his path through childhood more difficult.
But why is she saying these things to him? She’s not a particularly mean kid.
To a degree, she’s just making an observation. She’s also confused as to why her brother looks different. Probably more than anything, though, Liz is trying to affirm her own normalcy.
And that’s where the problem lies. Just what is normal? And why is it so important to be normal?
I don’t know how Matt is going to turn out. Medically, we’re doing all we can. Psychologically, he’s got some genetics to battle with half his DNA made from me. (I’m convinced there was a drug passed around Woodstock that decreased the serotonin count in our fathers’ sperm.)
However, I know I am going to go above and beyond to hammer into my kids’ brains that they need to accept everyone. If Jenny has a quality that is different, it’s actually the coolest thing about her.
We’ve even amended our response when Liz makes comments to her brother. “Matt’s large arm is like a superhero arm. He’s so lucky he has such a cool arm.”
I can’t control how other parents will raise their children. I just hope the kids who Matt goes to school with will be taught the same lessons.
Because when you think about it, who’s really normal anyway? We’re all deformed in one way or another. If you don’t look or act different, you probably have something going on inside. Just look at me. I present pretty well on the outside, but my brain is all kinds of deformed. I never had to deal with bullying because it wasn’t something others could see.
That something which is imperfect about each of us: That’s what makes us unique. It’s what makes our life important. It’s a critical factor in how we will each make our own mark in this world.
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For more from Brett Grayson, check out his new book, What Could Go Wrong? My Mostly Comedic Journey through Marriage, Parenting and Depression
