The Christmas season is upon us! The music! The excitement! The decorations! The celebration of our Lord and Savior! This is the time of year for reflection, forgiveness, worship, and joyful time with family and friends.
But for those of us who have lost our moms, the Christmas season can intensify emotions of sadness and feelings of loneliness. New waves of grief that had subsided can become fierce and overwhelming again.
Grief at Christmas
This is the 15th Christmas I have spent without my mom. We haven’t decorated, shopped, planned, celebrated, laughed, baked, or traveled together in over 15 years. I never got to see her celebrate Christmas morning with my daughters in matching jammies. They never got to put baby Jesus in the manger together and hear her tell them about His birth.
I want to be able to say that Christmas without her has gotten easier. In some ways it has, but with so many vivid memories of her around this time of year, those waves of grief can come in and knock me off of my feet without any notice; especially this time of year.
I knew that my 27th Christmas with her would probably be our last together and she was already so sick with cancer. I also knew that the first Christmas without her would be hard; almost unbearable. That year my family and I booked a trip to Mexico; no tree, no traditions, no familiarity. It was still hard.
I will always carry the scars of my broken heart, but my scars are a reminder that God is healing me.