It’s been five years since we watched Jill Duggar marry the man of her dreams, Derek Dillard, on national television.
Since then, the couple has welcomed two sons, Israel David (4) and Samuel Scott (1).
Even though life looks a little different now than it did five years ago when they first tied the knot, Jill says it’s important to keep the fire alive in your marriage.
In a recent post on the family blog, Jill Duggar shares her thoughts on what makes for a healthy marriage — and according to the 30-year-old, it includes a lot of sex.
“Have sex often!” she writes. “You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol).”
Her advice comes as a recent study shows that couples are just barely having that much sex in a MONTH.
Jill says when she and Derek first got married, they got tired of people constantly telling them, “Oh you just wait,” or ”You’re just in that newlywed phase.”
“Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the fire in your marriage doesn’t have to die out!” she writes. “But like a fire, sometimes, and more so during some seasons than others, you need to be intentional, proactive and work hard to keep the fire going.”
In her lengthy blog post, Jill shares 39 ways to not become one of those couples. But some overarching themes include being intentional, proactive, and working hard to keep the fire alive.
Here are just a few ideas for a healthy, happy marriage from Jill Duggar:
- When you can’t have intercourse, “find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re always available.”
- “Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5)
- “If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!”
- “Look nice for him. It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating!”
- “Pray and fast for your husband. Ask him how you can pray for him and let him know when you do (e.g. send him text messages &/or write a little note).
- “Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever!”
- “Give at least a 6-second kiss when coming and going.”
- Show affection in the home and in public! “Your kids need to see you happy and having fun together as a couple! It provides a little extra security for everyone!”
- “Make weekly date time a priority!” — Jill says even if you can’t go out, you can make an intentional effort every week to put the kids to bed early, and spend time learning more about each other and your marriage. She says [she] and Derek enjoy reading a book together or taking personality quizzes online.
Jill says it’s always important to make time for family, but first and foremost, your husband deserves designated time with your undivided attention. Throughout her post, she suggests several ways to make this happen daily, weekly, monthly and yearly.
“Don’t let your children control the house,” she writes. “Keep a routine and make them go to bed early so you can have quality time together (especially if you don’t have family or close friends around to babysit regularly!)”
In writing the post, Jill says she’s aware that she’s no expert, just someone who fully loves her husband, and has had success doing a handful of these things in different seasons. All of her marriage advice points back to the One who created marriage in the first place.
Jill says in order to fully live out what the Lord has for us in marriage, we must first understand what Jesus says in Luke 10:27. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself,”
“First, we must recognize that in order to love someone fully, we must understand how much we are loved by God and in turn love him with all that we are by repenting of our sin, turning from it, accepting through prayer his free gift of salvation and asking him to take charge of the rest of our life.”
She continues, “Secondly, if we truly have made Jesus the “Lord” of our life, then that means there should be some fruit to show for it…like the second part of the verse says, ‘[love] your neighbor as yourself.’ And this includes our husbands!”
Ultimately, it isn’t about how many times a week we’re having sex with our husbands, but rather, the intentionality behind our actions. Serve your husband well and glorify God in the process. Jill Duggar has some great insight on this, but we’d love to hear what works well in your marriage!