But goodness gracious, this life is hard, my friends. Sometimes more than others, but don’t you feel it too? Don’t you sometimes feel like, “what the crap is happening right now?” Or, “seriously?”
If you’re married, I want you to know that sometimes it’s hard over here, too. I want you to know that it’s okay to share with someone you trust what’s hard or how you’ve been hurt or what argument you just can’t seem to get past because true friends will always root for your marriage not just you. They’ll never villainize you or your spouse, they’ll soften your heart toward them out of love for you both. They will look on without judgement, and will offer help in the form of prayers that plant seeds of hope in your heart. They will never think less of you or your partner when you struggle, but they’ll remind you of who you are or who you married. If you have a friend struggling in his or her marriage, will you remember this as you walk with them through their difficult season?
If you’re not married and marriage is, in fact, something you long for one day, just know it’s not always the pretty moments. Sometimes that commitment through the “worse” and the “sickness” sucks. Sometimes we may think back dreamily at the times we were single a little bit, too.
But no matter where you’re at—if you’re married and in a season of bliss or a season of desert-walking, if you’re single and in a season of disappointment or thankfulness—let’s help each other remember what marriage is—it’s a union that God created so we wouldn’t be alone and so we could help one another be better versions of who we were created to be. Sometimes that means we walk through hard times so that our rough edges can be smoothed, and we can come face-to-face with parts of ourselves we wish our spouse didn’t hold a mirror up to. Sometimes that means for a time we’re put through the proverbial “ringer” and we flounder a while, but ultimately cling more tightly to each other and to our God.
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So year six was tough, so was year one, and year three, but not because we have an unstable union—it’s more because our journey hasn’t been easy and we’ve chosen sacrifice over comfort, and that will always cause strain. I am grateful for the hard moments, because they’ve forced me to do battle with myself, and they’ve taught me to keep pressing in with love.
As Dietrich Bonehoffer said” It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but [from now on,] the marriage that sustains your love.” I do believe that pressing into the hard, fighting for reconciliation in the long haul is what marriage is all about. I can’t wait to see what God does in and through our little team over here—may we always see clearly His faithfulness to us no matter the circumstance. May you see His same faithfulness.
