Here at Messy Marriage I always try to encourage spouses to persevere in their marriages with the help of the Lord, even though sometimes a major problem, like having an affair, can rock a marriage to its core. If this is, or might be, your situation, my hope is that you aren’t immediately running for a lawyer to get a divorce.
However, I DO want to break through any denial you might have by listing some red flags that indicate an affair could be happening. I also hope to wrap up with a bit of guidance on this destructive vice in a marriage.
So today I’ll be sharing some of what I’ve gleaned from a Huffington Post* article on the subject, as well as some other insights from around the web. I’m combining those insights with some of my own thoughts, as well as biblical insights on how to deal these red flags.
8 or More Red Flags that Could Mean Your Spouse Is Having an Affair
1. You’re no longer having sex (Probably the biggest sign!)
This could also include …
- Your spouse suddenly requesting kinky or other erotic sexual activity—including watching porn
- Demonstrating a new sexual skill (most likely learned from the “illicit lover”)
- Resisting kissing or showing other types of affection to you, especially in public places
- Offering weird and suspicious reasons for not being “in the mood”
2. Cellphones become strictly off-limits
This might be evident by …
- Mysterious phone calls that include “hang ups” or “wrong numbers” when you pick up the phone
- Phone bill shows unexplained long-distance charges; or same, but unknown caller on bill, etc.
- Your spouse regularly and quickly tries to pick up the phone before you do
- Your spouse leaves the room to talk on the phone or whispers into the phone
- Deletes numbers from caller ID
- Behaves differently or ends call abruptly when you come in the room
- Cell phone bills are kept away from you
3. He or she suddenly needs “space”
This is often shown by …
- Chronically acting tired and disinterested in your relationship
- Developing an interest in a new and all-consuming activity—like racquetball, for example—that keeps your mate away from home
- Discouraging you from visiting him/her at work or coming with him/her to work-related social events
- Not responding quickly or being available for your calls
4. You don’t go to bed at the same time
Your mate might also …
- Frequently come up with odd excuses for why he/she can’t sleep and must go do “something else”
- Make a habit of going to bed much earlier in order to escape any suggestion of sex
5. Your spouse is uncharacteristically unreliable and flaky (odd)
The “mother-load” of options here are:
