Back in January, I felt the Father telling me about a baby in the mornings in the secret place with Him that would come to us through adoption. This shocked me because I thought our next child would only come through my womb. We still are believing God to heal my body after all of these years. We know that healing is my inheritance through Jesus. So when He was telling me about this baby, I was a little caught off guard, and so was Brandon to say the least. A whirlwind of events happened in April and May, some too intimate, too precious to share here, and by the end of May an expectant mother had reached out to us and had chosen us to parent her child.
And we did it all wrong. At least in the world’s eyes.
We told our children. We told our friends. We told everyone. We prepared a nursery. We rushed a home study. Our sixth home study (we’ve gotten really good at those). We had baby showers. All the things hopeful adoptive parents do that make me cringe, we did. Not because I wanted to, please believe me on this. It’s quite the opposite. I didn’t want to tell a soul. I, for sure, didn’t want to tell my children.
In the very beginning of this story, we heard the Lord strongly on this, “Share my glory.” And if you remember, it all had to do with ivy which represents His faithfulness. This entire year with Him, has been about obedience. Will I obey Him when it goes against everything I know? Will His voice mean more to me than the voices around me? When it makes me look like a fool will I still obey? When the world thinks I am crazy?
Every step throughout this year has been painful for me. He has been unearthing so much that is deep within me. But I am finally, after so long, at a place with the Father where all I care about is His approval. All I want is His beautiful eyes delighting in the posture of my heart. My heart cry this year has been, “Fully Yours, Papa, fully Yours.” Every inch of the territory of my heart, I want Him to have fully conquered. So there is nothing left of me, just a heart that is fully His.