How We’ve Found Hope — Even After a Failed Adoption

This story is about more than a baby

This entire story from the beginning has been much more than just a baby. And a baby is a big deal, don’t get me wrong. This story has been more about me and Him, and what He is doing in me.

Every day waiting on this little one, He’s spoken promises over her precious life. Those closest to me have carried her in prayer like nothing I’ve ever seen, it’s been the most beautiful story to witness. Every day was and still is a choice to trust Him, to believe what He has spoken instead of the circumstances we see.

It’s not my entire story to share. But the baby that we thought would be sleeping upstairs, we never got to meet. I know there aren’t supposed to be “failed adoptions” but this feels failed. Because the birth mom didn’t even decide to parent.

We are heartbroken.

The moment I found out, we were away on a short vacation. I went back to the room, alone. I collapsed on my knees and cried out to the Lord, “We’ve done everything You said to do. Even when we didn’t want to. I’ve given you every part of my heart. What else do you want? I don’t need another word Father, not about this situation. I need to hear Your voice, Your voice for me. What are You saying Father?”

“I Am with you,” I felt Him whisper louder than any other time in my life.

“But I don’t want You to be with me,” I said, “I want You to fix this.”

Jessica Satterfield
Jessica Satterfield
Jessica has seen the goodness of God in the midst of the heartbreak of infertility and the joys of adoption. It’s been the invitation found in the hard, where she has found deep intimacy with Father God. Mama to three through the gift of adoption and foster care by day, and blogger by night. Her days aren’t busy, but rather full, the very best kind. You can find her curled up on the couch with good coffee and her littles or speaking to groups of women all over the nation. Both are amazing, but home is where her heart is.

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