My mind will wander to the possibility of having another baby– we could do it, we could give the boys another brother or possibly, a sister! It could be different this time.
I daydream about a pregnant belly; being whisked away to the hospital room and producing a beautiful and plump newborn baby; visions of my sons taking turns to hold their new sibling with smiles bigger than if they were holding an ice-cream cone; the feeling of holding a newborn close to my heart; the sweet sounds of a newborn breathing and cooing.
That would be so amazing to relive that all over again, I would think. Yes, I can do it.
And then, I will remember how dark my days once were; how the happiest moments of my life left me feeling scared and alone; how I felt the most intense depression and sadness of my life; how I traveled to the most darkest places in my mind and almost leaped off the edge, thanking God that I never took that leap, but always in fear that I would be tempted again.
“But you’re still so young, you could have more babies, just one more!”
Please, don’t comment about my decision to not have any more babies.
If you’re thoughts are to insist that my husband and I need to have one more child because we should really try for a girl, please, I beg you, keep those comments to yourself.
Going through my own struggles, I have become more compassionate towards those around me. I’ve learned to talk less and to listen more. Postpartum depression is a serious and life debilitating condition, and unless you have walked in the shoes of someone that’s been through it, I urge you to be cognizant on how sensitive certain topics may be.
And to play it on the safe side, it’s always better to leave these types of matters untouched, for we never really know what someone is struggling with.
