We are all Bullies

We are all bullies.

And no,

I’m not saying all of us pick on others targeting the weak, or the small, or the vulnerable.

I’m saying that most of us bully ourselves.

We pick on our weaknesses, where we feel small, and attack ourselves wherever we have soft, vulnerable spots. And we know where those are all too well.

We are all bullies.

In the way, we look in the mirror and sneer at what we see.

We squeeze our flab and berate ourselves for not being closer in size to that runway model, that does the same to herself.

We put ourselves on strict diets.

We watch everything we put into our mouths and when we don’t—

we bully ourselves.

Because we are all bullies.

We run ourselves rampant, trying to do it all.

And when we can’t, because we can’t do “the everything”—

we loathe.

Because when we bully ourselves, we feel we’re not good enough: not good at anything, not smart enough, and we shouldn’t even try.

When we bully ourselves, it shows in how we carry ourselves. People know.

Then, we become targets for other bullies.

We let ourselves get stepped on. Why wouldn’t we? If we mistreat ourselves, it permits others to do the same.

We let the group of mothers in the corner have a big laugh at our expense.

And then our kids will let the group of “cool” kids in the corner have a big laugh at their expense.

Kids emulate their parents.

We are all bullies.

We’re all fallible. We all fall. There’s no one better or worse. Who creates that scale? Answer: we do. So how we feel about ourselves is paramount.

We have mixed feelings towards ourselves—because we’re human. But we choose what we want to show our children. We choose what we want to show others. We choose what we want to say to ourselves. We choose our own narratives.

Choose to be kind to everyone—yourself included.

Choose to praise those deserving—yourself included.

We try to equip our kids with self-confidence, so they aren’t prey to bullies—

Let’s try to do the same for ourselves.


This post originally appeared on Facebook, published with permission. Check out Danielle’s book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder, available on Amazon.

Danielle Sherman-Lazar
Dani Sherman-Lazar is an eating disorder advocate, Vice President of a transportation company, and a mother to two daughters. Follow her on her blog Living a Full Life After ED and like it on Facebook. Her book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorders is available for pre-order on Amazon.

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