Know that it’s often unbelievable
Sexual abuse often happens in the context of a known relationship. You and the child will likely know the abuser, and that is typical. For me, it was a neighbor, and the majority of the abuse happened in my house.
You will probably know the abuser. You might even be related to the abuser, and again, that’s what will make the allegation so unbelievable.
If your child tells you about being abused, it will certainly be something you don’t want to hear about, and the thing is, it will likely involve someone you don’t want to think about. But listen to me, please. Don’t rush to defend the accused. Rush to hear the child.
I’ve heard enough stories from teenagers and clients and patients to say, with all the fire in my bones: if your child tells you about being sexually abused by someone you don’t want to think could do it, BELIEVE YOUR CHILD.
My dad believed me. He told me I wasn’t going to die. He told me I hadn’t done anything wrong. He hugged me.
And honestly, I don’t remember what happened next. I don’t know if they talked to the neighbors. I know I didn’t see that neighbor anymore. I wish I could ask my parents what that was like. What did they think? What did they feel? Unfortunately, that conversation will never happen; both of my parents died many years ago.
I don’t remember many of the facts. But I do remember the feelings.
I felt loved.
I felt heard.
I felt protected.
I felt valued.
I did not feel silenced.
My dad was not incredulous or doubtful or skeptical. He started off believing me, and he kept on believing me.
He hugged me.
And that’s exactly what I needed.
