The Simple Secret to Making a Blended Family Work

I’m sure many of you can relate, but for those of you who can’t relate to the complicated nuance of blended family relationships, please know: there are a lot of preconceived notions about step-parents and sadly many of the assumptions can turn out to be true. I have heard just about everything regarding who & what I am to OUR boys (as the bonus mom) based upon other’s experiences / misconception of blended/step-families.

(I never would have dreamt of getting to write a post like this all those years ago but am so thankful that I can today.)

Our oldest (who is now 22) put it best the other night while reminiscing about the past 16 years with me in his life.

“The only difference between you and my mom is that you CHOSE to love us & you have continued to love us and treat us as your own. I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it as my mom too” {cue the tears}

I’m so grateful that the only thing these (now grown) boys of ours seem to recall about their childhood is Love + Joy regardless of how stressful life got while navigating this road, we always tried our best to live, laugh + love and although we failed miserably a lot, they don’t seem to recall or dwell on any of it.

(Galatians 6:9, ‘ do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap if you do not give up’ This is the verse I clung to/implemented all those difficult years + have now seen come to fruition.)

*Their biological mom sent me a text recently… things were not always this way but I’m so grateful for the friendship we now have*

{“You saved my boys, you prayed for me, you believed in me…I am blessed! I love that the boys love you. They are surrounded by love…who could ask for more? I love you, but more importantly I respect you!”}

It is important to remember, we need to respect one another’s relationship with the kids & support each other..(even if & when you aren’t exactly ‘getting along’) It requires time + patience but it’s worth it. Don’t allow insecurity to sneak its way into your heart, whichever role/title you represent in this ‘puzzle’, because you are enough, you have an important role in their life. Kids just need love, it’s something they’ll carry with them for a lifetime when they receive it with your open hands, not clenched fists.

I’ve discovered over the years and in the trenches that the secret to blending families is that…{there is simply PLENTY OF SPACE FOR US ALL TO GIVE OUR LOVE SIMULTANEOUSLY.}

One person doesn’t have to replace the other. It’s not a competition. Kids are not territory to be claimed / conquered, they are precious lives to be cherished, unfortunately a lot of people don’t see this through their own selfishness/insecurity. If we can just discover how to be secure within ourselves and our role than there’s no room for jealousy. And ALWAYS remember Grace because we ALL need it.

Blood does not have to ‘bind’ us because Love does.

{“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”}

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Patcine McAnaul
Patcine McAnaul is the mother of five children, four on earth and one in Heaven. She is the founder of #thewilltochoose ministry that supports bereaved parents with funeral costs as well as selling t-shirts with God’s Promises printed on them. Shirts are also available upon request to donate to bereaved parents. Find her on Instagram.

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