Let’s just say awkward and awry littered our trip more than I want to admit. My expectations for 24/7 nirvana were amiss. Disappointment over arguments between the kids, grumpy attitudes, and displays of selfishness caused me to fall face first into righteous self-pity. Such a poor me attitude didn’t feel good, of course, so I projected my negativity elsewhere. As in towards everyone but me. You would have cowered in embarrassment watching me point fingers all around and yammer in exasperation over everyone taking for granted our incredible vacation gift which was both a tremendous sacrifice from my spouse and a beautiful blessing from God.
Unfortunately, my spouting off meant I was doing the very thing I accused others of doing. U.G.L.Y. I still don’t have an alibi.
On the plane ride home, I read Jonathan Merritt’s new book, Learning to Speak God from Scratch, (amazing by the way) and inside was a quote from Anne Lamott. God sure doesn’t mince words when He wants to get our attention. Anne says, “Expectations are merely resentments under construction.”
Well then.
With tears streaming down my face from 10,000 feet, (which does wonders for creating extra congestion to wreck your ears and sinuses during descent) I allowed God to begin the conviction process. As much as my frustration, anger, disappointment may have been justified, my poor reactions and responses in the moment were not. “Humiliation is heartwarming,” said no one ever.
While trying to process all the hurt, God helped me realize I had no one to blame but myself for the ill will bubbling in my veins over the ugly moments of our trip. Grace is the true Gospel. Jesus extended it to everyone, all the time, no matter how they acted.
I still have much to learn in both the receiving and giving sides of this transformative gift. Which begins with learning to kick expectations to the curb.
In the end, our family vacation was beyond all my dreams about what would be. Turns out the bulk of what was took my breath away. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. As for the unfortunate mishmash, goodness knows I’ve been a recipient of God’s Grace way more than I deserve, despite my human struggles. This much I should remember when other’s ruffle my feathers—especially those I love the most. They deserve grace and so much more. In Christ, I have the power and the privilege to give them both.
Let’s be love and light, crazy Mommas!
