Most teenagers are struggling with self- identity. They are comparing themselves with their peers physically, intellectually, and socially. Many are concluding that they simply do not “measure up.” Many feel insecure, have little self- esteem, and blame themselves. If there is a stage of life where humans need more affirming words, it would certainly be during the teenage years. Yet this is the very stage at which parents often turn to negative words in their efforts to get the teenager to do what parents believe is best.
So how do moms deal? How do we stay strong and resist the urge to vent to our children or gripe on Facebook? I believe the answer is 1) pray and ask God for help and 2) find a safe place to vent. Pick someone in your innermost circle — your spouse, best friend, mom, sister, hairdresser, therapist, etc. — who listens well and won’t betray your confidence.
Having a steel vault who keeps your secrets safe helps you stay strong. It reduces the chance of you dropping an ill-timed bomb or ranting to the wrong person. It keeps you under control and gives you time to think. Most importantly, it gives you an ally to laugh with as you admit what you wanted to say or post versus what you actually said and posted.
We live in an age where it’s common — and acceptable — to tell people off to their face or go straight to Facebook with every complaint. We’re a generation of parents that often lacks the strong adult relationships our parents had because we’re busier, more distracted, and centering our lives around our kids, sacrificing our relationships and well-being to unhealthy degrees.
What I’ve realized in my life, especially as my kids grow up, is that building a strong adult network is a form of self-care. Besides the obvious mental health benefits, it gives me people to turn to when I need to vent, seek advice, or process life out loud. Sometimes just getting my thoughts and feelings out, without fear of being judged or written off, is enough to help me breathe and get to a more rational state of mind.
Life is hard, and our country is on edge, so give your mom friends a safe place to vent. Be the friend who listens, knows their heart, and loves them despite their cray-cray. Encourage your friends to stay strong in front of their kids and sane on social media by saving their rawest self for you. If we all did this, if we helped each other behind the scenes get to a better place, can you imagine how much more positive we’d be at home and online?
We’d have fewer regrets and better relationships. We’d be adults who act like adults. We’d have good conversations even when we disagree, and we’d like ourselves as we live with intention. It’s not easy to set boundaries in choosing where to vent, but it’s worth it, because these are the role models our children need. That is how we help the next generation, by allowing them to see what we hope they will eventually be.
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This piece originally appeared at karikampakis.com, published with permission. Check out more from Kari on the Girl Mom Podcast.
Kari’s new book Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter is now available and gaining fantastic buzz among moms. Kari has also written books for teen girls, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know and Liked, used widely across the U.S. for small group studies. To keep up with future posts, follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
