It’s no secret that motherhood is a mixed bag. One minute you’re overcome by love and adoration for these tiny humans you created, and in the very next breath, you’re yelling over the “wrong color plate” and wondering if you’ve lost your mind.
As moms, we can all use a little bit of peace in our household, and TikTok mom Destini Ann is here to tell us how to get it.
The single mama is popular on TikTok for her videos on parenting with positivity, peace, and practical tools. Just ask her 1.1 million followers.
In a video last month, Destini explains that she’s going to help stressed out moms create peace in their households with just one phrase: “We’re a team.”
“The quickest way to cooperation is collaboration,” she explains. “There’s no need to flex your authority on a 3-year-old. The hierarchy is obvious: you’re big, they’re little.”
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Destini says kids are well aware that parents are in charge. Reminding them of that does not solve a problem, nor does it actually reinforce the authority you hold over them.
“We don’t have to throw that in their faces then expect them to make responsible, empowered decisions,” she explained. “Imagine your boss being like, ‘I’m the boss, you’re the employee. Do what I ask you to do.’ First of all, rude. Second of all, I know you’re the boss — you write my paycheck. If you do this with your kids, you’re setting yourself up for everyday power struggles.”
“We’re a team. That means three things are going to have to be mutual,” Destini says. “Number one, the kindness. Number two, the respect. Number three, a little bit of grace. That’s right, I’m gonna give you some grace. You know why? Because mommy is going to need a little grace every once in a while.”
Destini says she and her daughter are “both stakeholders in the company that is our household.”
Rather than reminding your kid of how much stake you have in the company, Destini suggests reminding them of what’s at stake. She gives the example of her daughter not wanting to go to bed. Instead of disciplining her into what could be a very messy and emotional night time routine, Destini reminds her daughter of how much fun they have in the morning, and how oversleeping, or not enough sleep could disrupt the time she enjoys most in the morning.
“This is how this company stays afloat,” Destini says, reiterating the idea that she and her child are a team, and things are better for both of them when they operate as a team.
It’s give and take with a side of grace, and we’re here for it. And so are the hundreds of TikTok users who left comments on Destini’s video.
“Love this! Saying ‘we’re a team’ helped my husband and me so much in our early years of marriage,” one person said, adding that she’s due with her first child and plans to implement it the same way.
Another user praised Destini’s comparison to work life saying it’s super helpful. “Sometimes as adults, we forget what it’s like to feel ‘small.’”
“I use ‘we’re a team’ multiple times a day to my toddler, and it works better than any threat,” another commented.
Destini closes her video by reminding viewers that life with kids is never easy, affectionately calling her afformentioned company, “Chaos Incorporated.” And while it’s not easy, there are small ways like this mindset of “collaboration leads to cooperation” that can help us out along the way.