Being a new mother in the 21st century can be emotionally draining. Especially when it seems like everyone has an opinion on how you should be a mom and parent your children. The free will of being a parent is limited in today’s society. One wrong move and you are being stoned by the peanut gallery. But what about the enjoyment of being a mother?
Being a mother in the 21st century is still worthwhile! Don’t get that screwed up!
Being a new mother myself, I try to remind myself every day that I’m not perfect but I am trying my best for my daughter. I had to condition myself not to care too much about others’ opinions and YES even family member’s opinions. They are only distractions and at times roadblock into your growth as a mother.
Mom Shaming is when someone tries to belittle or make a mother feel like they are wrong and incompetent of being a good mother.
Sounds terrible, right? Welp, there jerks out there who are mom shaming like it’s their day job. But, mommies, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves. We have fallen into times when we are mom shaming ourselves. We say things like, “Ugh I’m not a good mother,” in the moment of a mistake.
And that’s not healthy!
I have fallen short myself, mommies. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and I’ve told myself that I’m not good enough to be a mother because I fail at being a mentally healthy person. But, I learned that I can’t do that to myself and it’s not fair towards my daughter to just shame myself and cause me to shut down as a mother.
So you might be wondering, how do we stop mom shaming ourselves? It’s not like we can be perfect!
Welp, baby steps!
Here are some ways to prevent mom shaming yourself:
Know That Nobody Is Perfect.
No Matter how much people may think that their stuff may smell like roses and daisies, it doesn’t. It smells more like the garbage truck didn’t make their trash run for a week. Yeah. That’s not a pleasant smell. So, no matter how much someone may come to you and try to hide their smell with perfume, just remember NO ONE IS PERFECT.
You are trying the best you can and that’s what matters the most.
If you weren’t giving this mommy life at least 60%, okay, I can see why you would be mom shaming yourself a little bit. But, if you are going through high fires and hell water just to make sure your child is fine, mommy you are doing a great job!
Practice positive affirmations.
Tell yourself every morning, afternoon and or night, how amazing of a mother you are and that everything will be a-okay!
STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE OR MOMMY STYLE TO SOMEONE ELSE!
This is the biggest mistake we make a lot, comparing ourselves to others! Like I mentioned earlier, everyone is not perfect. I don’t care what Instagram filter they use to make the picture look good, trust me, things aren’t always what it seems! I, myself, can hide the worst feelings ever behind a smile. Yes, I am the type of person to say I’m fine even when I’m going through a terrible storm. See, Mommy, I know I’m not perfect, and I’m not scared to admit that. I am only human even if I would love to be like Captain Marvel or even Storm, I got to remember I am a human being.
Remember, everything is going to be okay.
If you feel overwhelmed, know that’s normal. You are not a bad mother just because you are stressed out or overwhelmed. Trust me, every mother has a point in their motherhood where they want to scream from the top of their lungs and pull their hair out. But, after a storm, the sun comes out. SO just keep pushing! Ask for help when you need it and take out some mommy time to clear your mind and restart yourself. Yes, hit the restart button! Lol Alt Control Delete your negativity away! lol
Mom shaming is a no-go! Don’t be a victim of mom shaming and don’t mom-shame other mothers. Even if their toddler is going crazy throwing the fruit snacks in aisle 4. Just simply lend a hand, and or let them know, I have been there before too, don’t be ashamed. We are blessed to be mothers, and motherhood should be an enjoyable experience! Without mothers, the world would be nothing, so remember you are making the world a better place by giving your all as mothers!
A version of this post originally appeared at My Motherhood Made Easy, published with permission.