He is now frozen in time at the age 18 with no chance to move forward or to make a difference in the lives of others. As for you, you are very much alive and able to make your destiny what you want. This is a very defining time in your life because at this moment you are able to choose the path in life you wish to follow. At this moment, you have the chance to help change the future by taking a stand against drinking, especially drinking and driving. You are able to define who you are and to make a difference now. It is your time to be a leader that others will want to follow.
It is a privilege to be alive and to be able to make a difference in the lives of others. Brian lost that chance with a bad decision and we’re sure he wouldn’t make that same mistake twice. But for Brian, there is no second chance. No chance to redo things. As for you, you still have the chance to make a difference in your life and in the lives of others. If we could ask you to remember just one thing from this letter, it would be to have fun without drinking. Be a leader and make it cool not to drink. You can do it. We know you can.
And lastly, but most importantly, don’t Drink and Drive or ride with someone who has been drinking. If you could feel for only a brief moment the extreme anguish and pain that we as a family feel over Brian’s death every moment of every day, then you would understand what drinking can cost you and your family. Please think about it.
Think about what Brian lost, all his hopes, dreams and ultimately his life, as a result of alcohol. Please don’t make the same mistake. Stay safe and make it to graduation. Don’t put your family through what we are going through.
The Hoeflinger family
www.BrianMatters.com
Brian would have graduated June 6, 2013 from Ottawa Hills High School in Toledo, Ohio. He would be 23 years old now. As you are going through the fun and excitement of these final days, preparing for prom, graduation ceremonies and all the parties of your friends, think of us. There are no memories of senior prom for us or pictures of his graduation that we have. During graduation, we sat in the audience, not the proud parents of a wonderful son accepting his diploma with his classmates, but the parents choking back tears of grief and regret that he was not there. We are the parents who were never able to visit their son at college or who will never meet the wife and grandchildren that could have been. We are the siblings mourning the death of the brother that we all looked up to but will never see again. For us, this is the harsh reality of teenage drinking.
The above letter is part of a book that we wrote shortly after Brian’s death. The book is titled, “The Night He Died: The Harsh Reality of Teenage Drinking.” The book is real life. Have your kids read it. Their perspective on drinking alcohol will change. I promise.
Most Importantly, Please Share this Post with all your Facebook friends in hopes that we can save at least one graduating senior and their family from an unnecessary tragedy due to alcohol this prom and graduation season. Every senior should make it to graduation day!
Parents, ALL of the Hoeflinger family’s words here are important, but these in particular are the ones I BEG you to discuss with your kids. They bear repeating:
“You would never be that dumb or make that mistake and it could never happen to you. Well, Brian used to say that too and look how it turned out for him. Let us tell you, Brian was not a stupid person. He had a 4.5 GPA, 32 ACT score, was a 4 handicap golfer, and was accepted to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, which was his first choice in colleges. Brian always made good decisions until alcohol was involved. You see, you can’t make good decisions when you drink alcohol. No matter how much you think you can, you can’t. Brian proved that.”
Because of the nature of my job, I tell tragic stories like these much more often than I want to. And then, more often than not, I sit my teenager down and have him read the article I’ve written and then we talk about it. I preface these talks by saying, “Hey Joshua, it’s time to have an Awkward Talk With Mom!” He will groan and sigh and then we’ll talk. And not every time, but SOMETIMES he even tells me “thank you” for bringing it up. It’s not because I don’t trust him. He, like Brian, is a super smart kid. But he’s a teenager. A teenager whose brain, science says, has trouble discerning the consequences to choices like underage drinking. One bad decision to drink makes it impossible to make the NEXT decision in a smart, responsible way. It’s the FIRST decision to drink that leads to teen drunk driving. Because by then, the ability to be rational about whether or not one should get behind the wheel is GONE, when you’re an 18-year-old who feels now more than ever, invincible.
So talk to your kids. Because Brian’s parents are right. It could be your kid, or mine, just as much as it was, unimaginably, theirs.
