And going.
And going.
Until the day I just literally could not function any longer. In fact, I may have been just the teensiest, tiniest bit psychotic every now and again.
It was only afterward, when I looked back with the wisdom of hindsight, that I realized how long I’d been driving on an emotional flat tire.
I don’t know that we deliberately set out to ignore the emotional symptoms of life and make ourselves completely crazy, but sometimes it just works out that way.
First of all, we may not really understand what’s going on. When I started waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep, I had absolutely no idea that I was experiencing the most common type of insomnia associated with anxiety. That had never happened to me before. I didn’t know what it was.
And then, who wants to pull over and change a flat? Not me, friends and neighbors. I have places to go, people to see. As long as that sucker will move forward, I’ll drive it. The reality is, when we stop to work on our emotional stuff, it can make a mess of our plans. It can be really complicated. Really. Reallyreallyreally complicated.
Besides all that, some of us have gotten the idea that having emotions other than joy and peace means that we aren’t very spiritual, so it’s pretty hard to admit that anything at all might be wrong.
Sometimes when we’ve tried to talk about what’s wrong, people have said things like, “Cast all your care on the Lord, because He cares for you” and “Take every thought captive” and “The joy of the Lord is our strength.”
And we retreat into our alone and broken selves, because we’ve tried that. For a while now. It just doesn’t seem to be that simple, but everybody says it is, so we just don’t know what to do.
So here’s the question: how do we STOP AND CHANGE THE TIRE?
Sometimes it’s a medical issue, and we need meds.
- Honestly evaluate your functioning. If you’re struggling to do what you’re supposed to do every day, then it might be time to look for medical help. I know it’s hard to go there. Meds do have side effects, and sometimes it does take time to get the right meds working in the right way. And sure, Jesus can heal you without meds. But most of us these days would take antibiotics for pneumonia, and say “Thank God” when the fever lifts. If you’re not functioning well, if you’re not able to sleep or eat like normal, if your moods are seriously out of whack, and especially if you’ve got thoughts of suicide, please talk to your doctor. Modern medicine is a gift. Take it as needed.
Sometimes it’s a social issue, and we need to make changes in our world.
- Most of us have a front door on our house, rather than a big open space where anything and anybody can run in and out at any time. A lockable door is a normal part of a house. Sometimes, however, we have a hard time believing that it’s an equally good idea to get some boundaries against the emotional chaos that wants to intrude. Unhealthy stuff sneaks in over time, and other people get used to us being like we are. Change can be tough. And it can be so, so, so good.
Sometimes it’s a psychological/spiritual issue, and we need to process through gunk from the past that informs how we think and feel and believe today.
- Some of us believe that there are rules for acceptability: we have to achieve great heights, make others happy, be wonderfully nice, be successful in ministry, be thin, be the perfect parent. We don’t actually live in Love, believing deep down that It Is Finished. We have to keep going and going, and life is just one long, exhausting performance. That’s a lie. But there is truth. And it can set us crazy-free.
A whole bunch of times, it’s all three–medical, social, and psychological/spiritual–all mixed up together.
Changing that flat tire can be a whole lot of work. Like Westley says in The Princess Bride: “Life is pain, Princess,and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
But I want to tell you that it’s worth the work. And I want you to know that there is help. God has not left us here alone to struggle through things by ourselves.
There are doctors.
There are friends.
There are therapists.
Most of all, there is Love and there is rest for our souls, when we’ll stop and let Love help us.
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This article originally appeared at KayBruner.com. For more on Kay’s personal battle with depression, check out her book As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir.
