We continued to struggle in marriage, partially because of his own personal fight with demons from the past and partially because I was believing lies from the Enemy about myself, about him, and about us.
I worried a lot about whether we would make it.
Sometimes I even longed for the release and relief of a separation. Wouldn’t it be so much easier on my own?
But I knew that divorce was a sin. I also knew I didn’t want that life for my children, and I knew that part of me still loved my husband in spite of not feeling the love at the moment, so ultimately we decided to stick it out.
Yet it wasn’t easy.
And then came Valentine’s Day, a day for celebrating love and marriage.
The problem was that I didn’t feel “in love” anymore. In fact, at times I didn’t even like my husband, and I don’t think he liked me very much either. I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all.
So, how can you buy a Valentine’s Day card for your husband when it feels like a lie to even say a simple, “I love you” or “You’re wonderful?”
There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about staying committed even though marriage really stinks right now.
There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about how you weep at night, yet you hold onto hope for better days.
No, those cards don’t exist.
What could I do? To buy a sentimental card felt like a lie; it would be dishonest. Finally, I settled on a more general card, then added my own note to it.
I wrote about how hard life had been lately for both of us.
I wrote how sorry I was for my own failures as a wife. I wrote about what I saw in him when we first fell in love. Most importantly, I wrote how I planned to stick by him, for better or for worse, even though marriage seemed so much more than “worse” at the moment.
In so many words, I told him I believed in us and I believed in our God.
