Then, he may get defensive and my mind might start going. I would likely begin thinking about all the times I had to pick up after him, jumping to the conclusion that he’s just lazy. Suddenly, all I see is laziness when I look at him–even if he’s not really lazy at all. Maybe he had a few moments of forgetfulness but those moments don’t shift his whole identity to be a lazy person–and I have to remind myself of that.
When I notice that happening, I have to vocalize affirmations in order to shut out the enemy’s lies.
I may say something like, “I know that you a are mature and responsible man. I know that you are a strong man of God and a good husband. I’m frustrated with a few recent situations but I know that’s not who you are and I only share my feelings with you because I know what you’re capable of and can do better.”
This helps brings down his defense shields and also calms my heart and reminds me to see him as a whole, instead of hyper focusing on his mistakes. Try it next time!
3. Start Praying Out Loud
This is a new one I’m trying and it’s something you have to be careful with so as not to seem as though you’re ignoring your husband or mocking him in the middle of an argument.
Recently, Matt and I were in a heated argument and I could feel myself about to say something I’d really regret. So, I just folded my hands and covered my mouth and started praying instead of saying what I really wanted to say.
While it was done with good intentions, my husband thought I was trying to make a statement with it and it upset him.
I’ve now learned that when we can’t come to an agreement or the argument is getting really heated, it’s best to invite him to pray WITH me. It’s far more effective to take his hand and say, “Okay, okay, okay, hang on. This is going nowhere can we just pray and calm down? Then we can talk again,” then to just start praying alone.
When you share with him what you’re about to do as well as invite him to join you, it shows him respect and allows both of you surrender to God instead of trying to get the other to surrender to you.
Turning to prayer allows us to channel all the ugly words we may have said into loving and intentional words of prayer. Doing this will help you take a break, avoid letting your emotions take over the argument, get your priorities back in line, and finish the discussion in a more peaceful, humble, and Godly manner.
Like you, it breaks my heart when my husband and I argue. I hate being at odds with him. I hate feeling like we aren’t as happy as we should be because that makes me believe the lie that we aren’t as Godly as we should be. I feel like we don’t measure up to all the other seemingly perfect, Godly couples I see on the internet or at church.
But the reality is that real couples aren’t perfect and perfect couples aren’t real.
So, breathe. And try out one of these ideas the next time you find yourself at odds with your husband. Because this isn’t about perfection but unity.
Remember, the enemy seeks to plot, steal, and kill (John 10:10). Take this seriously: the enemy WANTS to destroy your marriage. Giving your husband the silent treatment or screaming at him gives the enemy the power he’s dying to have in your marriage.
Don’t overlook little arguments but understand that they are part of the enemy’s schemes to divide and destroy a good, Godly thing. Identify them. Call them out for what they are. Don’t brush it under the rug. Take Godly action even when it’s hard.
Because your marriage is not so much a mural as it is a mosaic. Every piece you add–good or bad–counts. So, build it beautiful.
Click the image below to download this lock screen as a daily reminder to build it beautiful!
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This article originally appeared at blog.thesoulscripts.com, published with permission.
