What I’ve discovered in my marriage – and I think most are like this – is that when I raise my voice during a fight my wife feels trapped in a corner and either has to retreat or go into survival mode by being louder. Ideally this would mean I just never raise my voice, but that pesky emotional repression I mentioned makes it hard for me to get on the front end of my anger and head it off.
What my wife and I have learned is that once we start getting loud, we need to retreat to separate corners before things get worse. Usually, after a break, we can cool off and resume talking at a quieter level.
The key in all of this – and it’s something I’m having to improve at – is to fight in a way that produces reconciliation, not a winner. By leaving, cooling off, and then returning to each other my wife and I are finally moving toward fights that are constructive, not destructive, to our relationship. And they could be that way for you too.
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This article originally appeared at ThrivingMarriages.com.
