10. When the kids blame each other for the dumb s**t they got caught doing . . .
“Who’s the more foolish; the fool, or the fool who follows him?”
11. When you just finish cleaning, blink, and never hear these words . . .
“Sorry about the mess.”
12. When your threenager thinks he’s ready for a girlfriend . . .
“Ready are you? What know you of ready?
13. When you swear the family pet smirks at you trying on your goal jeans . . .
“Laugh it up, fuzzball!”
14. When warned by a frazzled parent upon entering a Chuck-E-Cheese too close to nap time . . .
“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. …We must be cautious.”
15. When you’ve been in labor for 36 hours . . .
“No reward is worth this.”
16. When Auntie Amber changes a diaper for the first and last time . . .
“Ungh. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
17. When the teacher accuses your child of lying and you defend his honor . . .
“So what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.”
“…A certain point of view?!”
18. When you try to wean your child off of night lights to join the “Dark Side” . . .
“I’ll never join you.”
19. When your mother-in-law ends everything she says with . . .
“That… is why you fail.”
20. When a kid says, “Hold out your hands, close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise!” . . .
“IT’S A TRAP.”
