I wake up plumb exhausted…however that’s possible…and tell Jackson so.
He reaches for my hand under the covers, a bit of connection before the day rushes upon us.
“It’s not just body-tired,” I tell him. “It’s heart-tired. I feel soul weary and don’t want to do anything but lay in this bed.”
He rubs my arm before springing out of bed with parting instructions: “You stay here and rest. I’m fixing breakfast this morning.”
I let him.
I know the best way to serve my family today is by first strengthening my heart with grace. (Hebrews 13:9)
I’ve been in this soul weary place many times. I don’t have all the answers.
But I know sitting with a few aptly spoken words is what I need now more than anything. I need Manna to be Bread and Life to me.
“Lord,” I pray, curled in the fetal position. “I’m not adequate for today. I have nothing left to give.”
“Who is adequate for these things?” He asks me. “Your adequacy doesn’t come from yourself but from Me.”
“Lord, I don’t have the strength to serve these kids, this loving husband of mine, the people I’m called to.”
“You are to serve in the strength that I supply, my child… not from the lack of your own.”
“Lord, I’m not good. I’m lacking in love and I’m selfish and there is so much of ME in the way of YOU.”
“I’ve given you everything you need to live godly in Christ Jesus. Stop looking at yourself and simply trust that My blood has purchased the provision for you.”
“Lord, I will believe. I will believe it isn’t the one who works that sees the miraculous happen, but the one who believes.”
“Yes, my girl, trust. Because I will never leave you or forsake you. I will supply all your needs according to My riches. I am your righteousness. I am your strength. I am your bread and water. I am the Shepherd of your soul. I am the One who purchased your every breath with My own blood. I have redeemed you in every way! You can live working and striving, doubting and weak… or you can live trusting Me.”
“Lord, I believe.”