If you would have told me three months ago that this is what life would be like, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m a planner. I like to know my agenda. Maybe because it gives me some sense of control in an otherwise crap shoot, but regardless here I am.
Full transparency? I feel like I’ve ran a marathon yet I haven’t left my house in weeks.
Life as I know it seems to be dangling above my head as a big fat TBD. My calendar? Empty, yet my plate has never been more full.
Lately my mind has been a foggy place of lists and worry. Doubt and uncertainty. My nerves, a bundle of stress and anxiety. Some days it’s all I can do to stay afloat; to keep my head above water and my sanity somewhat in check.
In an alternate universe, Pinterest moms everywhere are having a field day with their perfectly color coordinated school sessions and craft projects – while my toddler screams, “Mommy, CHANGE MY BUTT” during a conference call.
My social media feed is filled with people using this time to get fit, eat better, organize their homes and closets. Crossing off line items on their to-do lists like it’s their job – and then theirs me.
Yesterday’s diet consisted of two rows of brownies and I’m contemplating making another batch. Don’t judge. I did manage to get some time to organize the pantry, but the rest of my life still remains in question.
My point? My mind is a rat race right now. My emotions are all over the place. I can’t tell you if I’m coming or going. Maybe you are one of those people out there crushing the day or maybe you are just barely hanging on – either way, it’s ok. YOU are ok.
As I sit here in the dark quiet of the morning waiting for the sun to peek its head over the trees and into my horizon I can’t help but feel a sense of calm. No matter how dark yesterday was; no matter how much doubt and guilt tried to take over; no matter how cluttered and afraid my mind may feel on the inside … outside – dawn still rises. It still comes. Day after day. And with it – a fresh start. A clean slate.