In the US, more than one out of 4 kids live without their father, making the decision of who we’ll have our kids with incredibly important. And simply living with your dad under the same roof doesn’t guarantee a close bond – I know plenty of people who will attest to that.
The truth is that having a strong and stable father figure builds happy and confident kids. How do I know that? I’ve seen it firsthand – our kids aren’t afraid to come to either of us when something is wrong (even if they’re in trouble) and they know we don’t expect them to be perfect.
What’s more, my husband understands the importance of spending quality time with our kids and always finds a way of coming up with fun activities that make our son and daughter forget all about the TV! Our backyard has seen more DIY science experiments and mud pie contests than I can count, and I know I can always rely on him to come up with the perfect way to spend the day together.
But the parents’ relationship is just as important. Disrespect, hostility, unhappiness – kids are quick to pick up on these things and are nowhere near as oblivious as we’d like to think. A girl who sees her dad treating her mom with love and respect is going to expect the same from her future relationships, while boys model the same behavior that they see in their father figure and understand what is acceptable and what isn’t.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that my husband and I have a perfect relationship (who does?) but we always make sure to leave any difficult conversations for after the kids have gone to bed – they don’t need to hear about our finances or that we were considering moving cross-country. As far as we’re concerned, their world should stay as innocent as possible for as long as possible.
None of this would be possible if my husband didn’t share the same values as I do.
In fact, it would’ve been borderline impossible. And while I believe in fighting for your marriage, I also believe in fighting for your kids, and a happy single-parent family is better than a two-parent one where husband and wife can barely stand to look at each other.
Remember that your relationship builds the foundation for what your kids will expect from their future relationships. Their future happiness depends on their childhood experiences. It’s a scary thing to realize and brings so much responsibility, for sure, but it also helps you put things into perspective and realize what’s important and what isn’t.
I always tell young women to take off their rose-colored glasses when they meet someone they would consider marrying. Emotions are beautiful and powerful, but values are what will keep your family strong even in moments of hardship.
When I look at my husband playing with our kids, I realize that I’ve been blessed with a man who will always put their happiness above his own. He makes my job as a mom easier and I couldn’t thank God enough for bringing him into my life.
Like many other families, we’ve struggled with the challenges this year has brought. But with him by my side, I know we’ll be just fine.
