This is something that Josh Harris himself now admits, and apologizes for.
In a statement on his website, Harris said he is ceasing publication of the I Kissed Dating Goodbye and all its companion books. No more will be sold after the ones that have already been printed.
His statement says, in part:
While I stand by my book’s call to sincerely love others, my thinking has changed significantly in the past twenty years. I no longer agree with its central idea that dating should be avoided. I now think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner. I recommend books like Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and True Love Dates by Debra Fileta, which encourage healthy dating.
There are other weaknesses too: in an effort to set a high standard, the book emphasized practices (not dating, not kissing before marriage) and concepts (giving your heart away) that are not in the Bible. In trying to warn people of the potential pitfalls of dating, it instilled fear for some—fear of making mistakes or having their heart broken. The book also gave some the impression that a certain methodology of relationships would deliver a happy ever-after ending—a great marriage, a great sex life—even though this is not promised by scripture.
Harris was barely into his twenties when he wrote the book, and that alone makes me wonder what Christian parents were thinking (other than: ooh, my daughter can’t get pregnant out of wedlock if we never even let her be alone with the guy!) letting an inexperienced twenty-one year old kid tell them how they should direct their kids into their permanent marriage relationships. It boggles my mind now as it did then; all I can think is that now and then, a lot of well-meaning Christian parents parent out of fear of what might happen if they don’t force their kids to tow the line, rather than praying and asking God to help them parent their child as He would want them to.
But anyway. What Harris says next truly touched me. Though it may be “too late,” as he says…an apology is still an apology, and I believe his is sincere. He says:
To those who read my book and were misdirected or unhelpfully influenced by it, I am sincerely sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I know this apology doesn’t change anything for you and it’s coming too late, but I want you to hear that I regret any way that my ideas restricted you, hurt you, or gave you a less-than-biblical view of yourself, your sexuality, your relationships, and God.
And to those of you who benefitted from my book, I am so grateful that something I wrote helped you. The fact that a flawed man could write a flawed book and somehow that could help some people is amazing to me. But, to borrow an analogy from the automotive industry, if a car serves some people but a flaw in its design causes damage to others, good intentions by the carmaker and even the endorsement of other customers don’t override the problem. I cannot recall all the copies of my book that have been published. However, my public critique in written and documentary form, and the numerous media interviews I’ve done in the past two years, are my attempt to both apologize and spread the word of about the problems I see in it.
As Harris alludes to above, there will be a documentary about the change of heart he’s had since I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and I for one look forward to seeing it. I think Josh Harris is a great example of how it’s never too late to change, to say you’re sorry, and to attempt to right wrongs (even if they were well-intentioned). I hope the Christian community will extend grace to him as he moves forward to embrace and preach new-to-him truths, and I pray all those who were hurt by his books can find healing.
Were you an I Kissed Dating Goodbye kid? Why or why not?
