Cleaning out my fridge is like traveling through a museum of shattered dreams. Granted, it’s a bit more smelly than your average museum. But it’s educational, nonetheless.
Ah, there’s the moldy kale I once dreamed of making into healthy breakfast smoothies. Remember how it was gonna cure my psoriasis, stabilize my mood disorder and ramp up my sex drive? TRASH.
This is my real life fridge. I know. You’re jealous.
Oh, here we have some clumped-together, foul-stenching flax seed. Remember when I was gonna sprinkle it atop all my organic, free-range, Paleo meals? TRASH.
Why do I have so many varieties of beets? TRASH.
I don’t even know what this thing is. But I better wear gloves to scrape it off the shelf.
MY FRIDGE IS NOT INSTAGRAM-WORTHY. I DON’T VOILA! MY QUINOA. I DON’T HUMBLE BRAGGAGE ABOUT MY CABBAGE.
But still, I keep buying stuff I’m never gonna eat because I want abs like FabFitWonderMom8675 on Instagram. #NoExcuses #Fit4Life #IHateMyself
Just kidding. I don’t want a six pack. I like rolls. Rolls are squishy and comfy. Rolls don’t have hard edges. Kids like to pinch rolls. Husbands, too. Rolls are warm and soft. Rolls taste good with butter. Wait. Wrong rolls.
OMG, that was a Dad joke.
