Tears filled my eyes yesterday as I raised my arms in worship and declared the truths of the hymn, “It Is Well with My Soul.” Because it is. It finally is.
Six years ago, it wasn’t, and I wasn’t sure it ever would be again. Six years ago at this exact time, my marriage had fallen apart. My husband was gone, and I was begging God to bring him back.
Six years ago today, my soul was struggling to believe that the God who is love still loved me, and my soul was trying to make sense of a God whose plans to prosper and not harm me included a devastating separation and divorce.
My faith was battling my sight, and my emotions were clouding my belief.
Every day I had to remind myself that God had not forsaken me, and every day I had to tell myself to praise him despite how I felt. Some days I succeeded, and some days I failed. When you’re in the midst of a storm, your faith becomes more than a mere profession of words. It becomes a lifeline to keep you alive. When sorrows like sea billows roll, it’s easy to drown. Some days I felt like I would.
The strange thing about those days, though, is that while they were the worst of my life, they were also unbelievably sweet. They were agonizing, yes, but they also ushered me directly into the arms of my Father. I had never known God to be so near, and I had never been as convinced that He would take care of me. I doubted and I questioned, but I trusted and I believed. Those days were a paradox I’m not sure I can explain.
Six years later, it really is well with my soul. Not because God brought my husband back. He didn’t. Not because He’s taken all my pain. He hasn’t. But because I know whom I have believed.