6. Declutter and Rotate Toys.
When your child’s space is too full of toys, they get overwhelmed, and they stop seeing the toys as opportunities. Humans, especially small humans, are primed to notice novelty. So regularly clear out some of the toys that your child hasn’t been playing with. Put them in the attic or the back of your closet, and leave them for a few weeks. When you bring them out, a few at a time, your child will greet them with renewed interest.
7. Choose Toys that Facilitate Deep Play.
To facilitate play, keep screens to a minimum. Studies show that kids who watch TV are more prone to adopt “scripts” of what they’ve seen; kids who don’t get much screen time engage in more flexible, creative play.
Even structured toys predispose children to use them as prescribed, which limits creativity, so offer toys that can be used creatively in many ways. The classics are still the best: Blocks, paints, clay, puppets, dolls, stuffed animals, vehicles.
8. Strew.
I learned the term “strewing” from the Goddess of Play, Avital Schreiber, who hosts the year-long play resource Present Play, which is an online community that supports parents to become play gurus.
Here’s how you strew. Every day, pick a few toys, books or projects and “strew” them (neatly) around your child’s play area. Your child doesn’t want to be told what to do, but will experience these “found” objects as an invitation to play. For instance:
- Add some dried beans to a baking pan with a small dump truck and shovel.
- Put some old magazines, a safe scissors, glue and paper on a cookie sheet.
- Leave a box of colorful scarves in the middle of the floor, maybe with two of them knotted together.
- Prop up a book your child likes, with a stuffed animal ready to read it.
- Combine cookie cutters with clay (in an airtight container) on a cookie sheet.
- Group paper towel tubes, tape, and marbles in a box.
- Gather a few art supplies (pipe cleaners, goggle eyes, corks, glue) on a cookie sheet, ready to be assembled.
- Set up a tea party with stuffed animals.
Notice that for your child to even notice your invitation, the play space needs to be orderly (see #6 above.)
What if your child ignores your strewn invitation and instead digs into something else? Great! Something else was already captivating their interest!
What if they ignore your strewing invitation and whine for you to play with them? See #1 and #4 above. You’ll probably find that after you spend some connection time, your child is ready to explore the opportunities you’ve presented.
9. Be patient.
If your child has been playing independently since babyhood, you didn’t need this post. If your child hasn’t had much opportunity to play independently, this will be a gradual transition.
So if your child is begging you to play, go ahead. Enjoy her. Then, try all of the tips above, and keep delighting in your child’s emerging play mastery. Over time, you’ll notice that your child no longer needs you to play deeply, because she’s becoming her own play muse. Don’t you wish we all could have learned that in childhood?
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This piece originally appeared at Aha! Parenting, published with permission.
