Statistics Say: Your Daughter’s Boyfriend Will Be Addicted to Porn

addicted to porn

“Why didn’t my parents talk to me about this? Why didn’t they warn me?”

A beautiful 20-something girl, with a brand-new engagement ring on her finger, sits crying on my couch. The story she tells me is all too familiar.

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Both she and her fiancé were raised in church. They met at a young singles church function, dated a while, fell in love, and then he confessed to a long-standing pornography habit.

addicted to porn

She was completely blind-sided. He’s a great guy, and she thought only perverts looked at porn. She had no idea that regular Christian guys had problems with this stuff.   None of the adults in her world ever mentioned it.

She loves him. She wants to marry him. She just doesn’t know what to do with all the hurt and anger she feels. The impact to her self-esteem has been devastating. Then too, she wonders if he’s really telling the truth, even now. Is it really okay to get married with all this going on? Are they going to make it?

A couple of years ago, I wrote a book called As Soon As I Fell. It’s partly about my own experience with my husband’s pornography habit in our marriage. When I wrote that book, I expected to hear from other wives with the same experience—and I have.

What I didn’t expect was all the letters from the young women in dating relationships, asking for help. But, when you think about it, it makes sense.

The statistics on pornography use today are simply staggering. According to Covenant Eyes, “About 64-68% of young adult men and about 18% of women use porn at least once every week. Another 17% of men and another 30% of women use porn 1-2 times per month.”

9 out of 10 boys are exposed to pornography before the age of 18, and the average age of first exposure is 12.

These stats are about everybody, not just non-Christians. Everybody. Take a look. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

http://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

What does this mean for young women today?

It means that almost every guy they date has been exposed to pornography, many of them for years on end. It means that every young woman needs a whole new skill set to deal with this reality.

What does that mean for us as parents?

It means we’ve got to be prepared to help our children. We can’t pretend that our daughters are going to find the one guy who’s been living under a rock since birth. More than likely, we’ll be welcoming young men into our lives and families who’ve had significant pornography exposure. This is the reality of today’s world.

That is hard to hear, I know. But when we ignore it, when we put it in the “too-hard” basket and forget it, we leave our children to fend for themselves, against a force of destruction that is absolutely devastating. Did you know that in over half of divorces today, pornography plays a significant role?

We can’t just say nothing, and hope this goes away. We’ve tried that. It’s not working.

Our children and our grandchildren are depending on us to be the parents who can have tough conversations, so that they can have futures that are healthy and whole.

In order to make those conversations easier, I’ve written a short ebook that you can read and pass along to your daughters, your nieces, the girls in your youth group. It’s a quick, 45-minute read with questions for self-evaluation, conversation-starters, and extra resources included. My intention is not to tell people what to do, but to give good tools for good decision-making.

Porn and Your Boyfriend is designed to empower young women (16-30) to make healthy choices for themselves in their dating relationships.

Along the way, I hope it helps parents become a real source of strength and support for young women today. Let’s be the moms who can do the hard things to help our kids.

 


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Kay Bruner
Kay Bruner is a writer, wife and mom of four. A former (depressed) missionary, she is now a Licensed Professional Counselor and recently published a memoir, As Soon As I Fell: A Memoir. You can catch her writing more words of love and hope at KayBruner.com.