9. Instead of going to the store when we were out of toilet paper, I tore off tiny pieces of paper towels and put them on the back of the toilet for everyone to wipe with. This went on for two days. I know, parent of the year. I figured in the olden days, they had to use leaves. Paper towels seemed like a step up in my book.
10. I’ve told my son that doing chores around the house will make him bigger and potentially turn him into a dinosaur (his whole life’s dream). Things like, “If you bring Mommy a water, you will grow an inch.” Or “I bet you will start to grow a tail if you fetch me that magazine.” “I know I saw a bag of Cheetos in the cabinet. I bet you will start to sprout wings like a velociraptor if you get me those.”
I’ve had to get extra creative to survive this pregnancy and let’s be honest, I need all the help I can get.
I realize that the things going on at my house during this pregnancy are borderline despicable, but I’ve learned to accept my slacker style — for now. My son is going to have a rude awakening when the strict mommy who cares about eating organic meals and limited screen-time comes back.
Or maybe she is gone forever, because who the hell can be rigid when she has two kids? Maybe this is just my new “don’t give a shit” parenting style. I’m just hoping I don’t scar my child for life and he isn’t reliving all of my parenting failures in therapy in 10 years.
This article originally appeared at From the Bottom of My Purse.
