When Adelade was in the second grade, she had a cute little best buddy at school. The girls did everything together, including sitting next to each other in class, saving seats for each other at lunch, and making up funny games to play at recess.
But, one day Adelade arrived at school and her best buddy wouldn’t speak to her. In fact, she moved away from Adelade in class, sat at a different table at lunch, and played chase with the boys at recess instead of making up funny games. She began to whisper about Adelade and even went so far as to tell her that they were “frenemies.” When I googled it (um, I’m old), I found out that a frenemy is either someone who is your enemy but acts like your friend, or it’s someone who is your friend who is also your rival. Really?? In second grade?
The drama with this little girl went on for months. One week she wouldn’t speak, and the next week she would act like they were best friends. Adelade cried lots of tears about it. She had plenty of friends, but for whatever reason she REALLY wanted this little girl to be her best pal. By the end of the year, Adelade finally realized that this little girl really wasn’t a very good friend. And, I learned a lot about parenting. Here are three things Adelade’s frenemy taught me.
1. Kids need to work things out on their own. Unless there is serious bullying involved, you should resist the urge to approach a child about how she’s treating your baby. Kids’ relationships ebb and flow, and next week they may be best friends again. So, in most cases, giving the child a talking-to will only further strain their relationship and complicate the situation. Plus, kids are pretty sharp, and you don’t want to give the child the impression that you don’t like her. Instead, talk through things with your child and help her know the best way to handle things.
