In this heart wrenching post, a bio and adoptive mom answers every parent’s question. Do you love your adopted child as much as your biological one?
Recently on a Facebook post I received the following comment.
I find it difficult to get past the distinctions in your children: my daughter, my grandson (those ones are really yours), my adopted daughter, my adopted son (these ones you’re allowing to live with your family). Don’t you think they see this? I’ve never heard of anyone doing this before and have family and friends who have adopted children and they are all just sons and daughters like their other children.
I realize after so many years of writing about our story that my new readers may wonder why in the heck I’m constantly differentiating between my adopted and biological children.
The question this reader was really asking was this.
Do you love your adopted child as much as your biological one?
Let me make this clear from the start.
MY KIDS ARE MY KIDS. PERIOD.
I don’t introduce some as adopted and some as bio. I do, however, sometimes differentiate them on the blog and social media because this is the story God has been writing on my heart for the last 16 years.
Through deep, dark valleys and mountain tops of joy, THIS IS OUR STORY.
How is their story even any different?
My bio kids were loved before they were even a sparkle in our eyes.
My adopted kids were not.
My bio kids were showered with unconditional love, safety and health.
My adopted kids were not.
My adopted kids were abused and neglected, experiencing hurts no child should ever have to live through.
My bio kids were not.
My adopted kids have spent years learning to attach and trust us because of their wounded hearts.
My bio kids attached naturally in their early years, developing a solid foundation with us as their parents.
I have spent years pouring into all my children, but especially my adopted kids, often sacrificing my health, time, emotions, dreams and desires.
I DON’T REGRET ONE SINGLE MOMENT OF THAT TIME AND INVESTMENT.
Yet, if anything, it was my bio kids who suffered from a lack of time with me.
Let’s face it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Because of their heart wounds, my adopted kids acted out in behaviors that were all consuming, 24/7 for years. YEARS. If you don’t live this life you can’t possibly even comprehend what I’m talking about.
I don’t judge you for that. Don’t judge me for what you haven’t lived.
I could choose to be resentful for my bio kids that our desire for obedience to God led to years filled with heartache and brokenness.
I’m not resentful at all. I CHOOSE TO EMBRACE HEALING and God’s greater purpose on all our lives.