Yes, I had a miscarriage. Yes, I’m still a mother.
This is something that gets mixed up quite frequently I feel. When my miscarriages become a discussion (usually with someone who doesn’t know me very well), they say “well you’ll be a mom one day.” It’s such an interesting phrase because I understand that they believe they are offering words of hope. However, it seems they are also implying that I’m NOT a mother now.
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Granted, I have a stepson, and have been in the ‘momming’ position for years now. However, I was a mom before. I was a mom the minute I got pregnant. I was a mom when I saw my twins on that ultrasound screen. I was a mom when they passed away. I will ALWAYS be their mom.
I’m wondering what society requires now to earn you the title of “mom/mother.” In my eyes, every woman who has experienced pregnancy loss is a mother, every stepmom is a mother, every adoptive mom is a mother, every women who has experienced infant loss/ child loss, is still a mother.
I had a miscarriage and I am still a mother.
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This piece originally appeared on Instagram, published with permission. For more from Chelsea Caris and her journey through infertility, pregnancy after devastating loss, and life as a stepmom, follow her here.
