But maybe that’s enough. Maybe there’s something sexy to be found in a partner who knows every loose tooth and scary monster story right along with you. Maybe there’s value in knowing that he’s the first one you text when your son wins a participation trophy. You see, your pride for those beautiful babies is also his. You have that in common. No one will ever know those children the way the two of you do. No one else stood witness when they exited your body. You have shared history with this man. He knows every scar, every laugh line, every widened hip, and he still wants to embrace you. Maybe it’s time to let him. Just crack the window a bit and see what the weather feels like with someone who wants to warm you with his love.
There’s an inevitable space that occurs once you introduce little humans into your household, and certainly when life hits. Because life is hard as hell, and people are complicated—so combine forever with flawed humans and you’re going to have some speed bumps. Anyone who says they live in the honeymoon stage forever is fooling you or themselves.
Marriage is full of free-will—that’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to be in it, but if you are, it might be difficult. There may be dry spells of disconnect. There’s just no relationship on this planet that takes zero effort and still produces a desirable outcome. Not one.
So tired, worn out, hands-off-me-Mom: maybe we go back to the basics, but never back to the beginning. We let go of the idea of who we were when we were young, wild, and kid-free, and give ourselves permission to be tired and without touch—sometimes. And then other times we accept that there’s a man who loves us and wants to show it. There were days we only wished for this kind of companionship, and now there he is, that white knight, sitting over there on his device.
We can do it, Mamas. Let’s redefine what intimacy looks like in a marriage. Just lean over and let go of responsibility. Rest on the shoulder of steadiness, and maybe, just maybe, do something really bold and start with a…hand hold.
You never know. Reaching out may be the key to refreshing your relationship after all.
