Through the seasons of motherhood, it can be hard to feel wanted. We lose so much of ourselves — who we once were and wanted to be — and simultaneously gain our whole world in those sweet little babes.
Still, we want to feel wanted. We want the man who once chose us for a distant version of ourselves to still want the woman standing before him. We want to be wanted for more than a feeding or a feel good.
Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run would argue that more than feeling wanted, we want to be SEEN, and we want to be CHOSEN.
In a recent post on her Facebook page, Mazza gives dads some major pointers for loving their wives well.
“You know what mothers really want? Sure, flowers are nice, and gifts are special, but what we want is pretty simple…
We want to be seen, and we want to be chosen.
That toy we picked up, the meal we cooked, that late night feed, changing the toilet paper roll and filling up the soap. The appointments we make, the activities we create. The crap we do to keep the day together. We want it to be seen. We want it to be noticed. To be appreciated.
When we ask for help, and you think it’s nagging, take a second to think we need you. We need you on our team. If you see that mess on the floor, don’t wait for her to pick it up, don’t wait until she loses her sh*t. Help her. She needs you. Change that light bulb when you say you will. Doing what you said you’d do builds trust.
If we fight for your love, we tell you we want cuddles, that we want to spend time with you, that we need you to choose us, take it as a sign that we love you so much and are choosing you. The day a woman stops asking for your affection is the day that means she doesn’t want to fight anymore. See her effort and choose her.
Don’t wait until the kids are 18 to go on dates, do it now. See her for her beauty, the laugh you loved, remind her about that thing that made you fall in love with her. See the woman you fell in love with.
When she’s trying to tell you something and the kids are climbing all over her and not letting her speak, show them the example by asking them to wait. Teach them that her voice is important and worthy to be heard. Put your phone down, look at her and listen.
Show her you’re on her side, that if she acts crazy and says she wants to fly to the moon, be that person that will help her build a rocket ship. Be her friend. Be her support. Be her cheer squad.
Hold her hand, when she’s at her best and even when she’s at her worst, whether it’s mentally or physically and notice her.
See her and choose her. Through the highs and the lows, and all in between. Through the bad times and the good. The tiring and the fun. Choose her, Every second, every minute and every day.”
We want to be seen and we want to be chosen. I think Laura’s post perfectly sums up what every mom needs from her husband. Love her well, love her often, and SEE the blessing that is standing in front of you. She needs you, and she needs to be noticed.
In the comments, Laura added a note that most of us can also relate to when it comes to wanting to feel wanted: “And when she tags you in something, read it, it means she’s trying to tell you something!”