I’m White, But I Married the Son of a Black History Icon–And This Is What I Discovered About Color

Around the time of my conversation with Leila, I met my future husband.

A month after our initial introduction, he began to call everyday around two in the afternoon, just to check in and hear about my day, just to let me hear his voice. We soon set up our first date at a nearby wine and bruschetta bar, splitting a bottle of Pinot Noir and a plate of dressed-up bread. By our third date, four days later, he sat me down on his couch and arranged a stack of books on the table in front of me.

“This is my father,” he said, flipping to tabbed pages in various books, all highlighting the Civil Rights Movement. I stared at the pages before me: Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks were names I remembered from my 11th grade U.S. History class. But James Meredith, the first black man to integrate into the University of Mississippi, was news to me.

“This is huge,” I whispered back to him. “Your dad is a really big deal.” He nodded, his namesake a conversation he’d entered into countless times before. As my fingers touched each picture – pictures of his father marching alongside Dr. King in the South, and posing with novelist James Baldwin in front of a New York City brownstone – a thousand questions ran through my head.

James Meredith with King Facebook feat
Martin Luther King, Jr. with my father-in-law, James Howard Meredith on the “March Against Fear” in 1966. Courtesy James Meredith on Facebook

JamesMeredithOleMiss
My father-in-law James Meredith, the first black student to integrate the University of Mississippi, is escorted into class by U.S. Marshals in 1962. Library of Congress.

James Meredith and twins feat
James Howard Meredith conducts a radio interview with his twin sons Joseph (front) and James Henry (back) on his lap. (The twins’ names are incorrect in the typed caption.) Courtesy James Henry and Cara Meredith

Not only did I want to know how this prominence shaped the man I already seemed to be falling head over heels for, but I yearned to know how it would affect us. My heart told me there was something different about my James, but was I too different for him? Were we to continue moving forward, would his family, a cornerstone of the black community, accept me, a white woman?

And what of our children? I knew I was jumping the gun, but I couldn’t shake a conversation from my childhood.

“Cara,” my mama once said to me, “you know we’ll accept any man you bring home. But if you marry a black man, I’ll worry about your children: I wouldn’t want them to have to choose between races.” She spoken the only truth she knew, a truth she’d later apologize for and never mention again after her mixed-race grandchildren were born. But would this be the case for us, if we had children together someday? Would our children struggle to find their identity between whiteness and blackness, and what would this blackness mean and represent to them?

Eventually, answers came.

When James met my parents for the first time a couple of months later, race was not an issue. They were smitten by the love this man held for their daughter.

When the two of us flew to Mississippi to meet his family, my litany of questions was answered in a single sentence: It’s not so much about you, a white woman, entering this family, James’ uncle said to me, but it’s about you realizing the impact his father has had on the WORLD.

Arthur’s emphasis lay on the final word, the impact of his thoughts noting pride and honor in his brother’s accomplishments. For James Meredith, I’d come to learn, fought not for the equal rights of African Americans, but for equal rights for all of humanity. That’s what made him a world changer.

I nodded my head. I had a lot to learn.


A statue of James Meredith walking toward a door that says “Courage” on the University of Mississippi campus. Courtesy VisitOxfordMs.com


Cara Meredith
Cara Meredith
Cara Meredith is a writer, speaker and musician from the Seattle area. She is passionate about theology and books, her family, meals around the table, and finding Beauty in the most unlikely of places. A seven on the Enneagram, she also can’t help but try to laugh and smile at the ordinary everyday. You can connect with her on her blogFacebook, and Twitter  

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