Today, I tried. I really, really tried.
Everything I thought I knew about parenting was exhausted & useless.
Today, I failed.
Today I screamed & cussed & threw things.
Today I popped my kid on the mouth more than once & I put him in timeout.
Today I lashed out at my husband & resented the peaceful relationship he has with our son.
Today, I was mean. I was unkind. I was impatient.
Today, I lost.
I lost the fight with my son. I lost the fight with my husband.
I lost the fight with myself.
Today, I don’t think I can do this anymore.
Today, I don’t want this life.
So yeah, today I cried.
No one tells you about this part.
No one tells you about the anger & the sadness & the isolation & the disdain.
No one tells you that motherhood brings out an unrecognizable version of yourself who you hate & resent.
No one tells you about days like today.
But as I sat on the staircase weeping at the terrible thoughts rattling through my head, that little boy didn’t leave my side.
He had spent the entire day watching me morph into a terrible, ugly monster, just as I’d watched him become one as well.
But at the end of the day, when our scary monster masks melt away, I am still his Mama & he is still my child.
Today, I am his mother & tomorrow will be the same.
So tomorrow, I will keep trying.
& you should too.
Keep trying, Mama. Keep going.
Today was hard. Tomorrow might be too. That’s okay.
Some days won’t have a happy ending. Some days there are no resolutions.
You just have to go to bed & wake up ready to try again.
We can do this, Mamas. We can do this.
If you have had or are having days like today, leave a comment, share this, or send me a message. Anything to send the message to all mothers that we are not alone in days like today.
All my love,
Taylor 💥❤
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This post originally appeared on Facebook, published with permission.
