There are times when an epidural is the only thing that will help a woman relax enough for labor to progress (yes, there are times when an epidural has the opposite effect – but most women who know this have already chosen to decline it). There are times when a woman physically cannot deliver a child without endangering herself and the baby (once again, the effect of the Fall!). Part of God’s wisdom and blessing to us in this fallen world is the presence of medical knowledge in cases like these. We can’t ignore this reality.
Just as insecurity destroys one woman’s ability to celebrate another’s unmedicated birth, pride prevents the natural world from embracing those who do things differently. Plus, here’s a little hint: If a woman is dissatisfied with her previous birth experience – epidural, c-section, whatever – condescension will not convince her to a new point of view. Judgment is not a unifier. Love is.
We have a responsibility to THINK about how our portrayal of pregnancy and birth affects the young women around us. As image-bearers of Christ and as women – the only gender ABLE to reflect God’s creative power through birth – we are called to present birth with the honor it is due.
This doesn’t mean we’re “fake” about the hard parts of motherhood. It means we use discernment. Instead of blasting a baby shower with negative talk and horror stories, here are four contexts in which traumatic birth stories have appropriate place and attention:
- A small group of women ALL discussing the difficulties of motherhood together.
- Sharing your current struggles with a friend and prayer partner.
- While counseling a friend who is dealing with a hard pregnancy or traumatic birth story.
- Your personal testimony of birth which includes how Christ enabled you to face and overcome your difficulty.
“Authenticity” that includes lack of tact and self-control is not authenticity; it is attention seeking. True authenticity always takes into account the person listening, the context of the conversation, and the intended outcome. Our words should always be guided by these principles, but as Christians work to change the conversation around pregnancy and birth, it’s vital that we pay attention to Paul’s admonition:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Eph. 4:29)
When we talk about pregnancy and labor among new (and experienced!) moms, we should be asking ourselves: “Is this helpful? Is this building her up? Is this encouraging a positive view of birth? Is this benefiting the people who hear me?”
That may mean our story doesn’t get heard at that particular shower. It may mean we don’t share about our impending pregnancy because we know the girl next to us just miscarried. It may mean we wait until later to share a story privately because it WILL be helpful to a new mom. But ultimately, in choosing to reframe and rephrase our discussions of birth, our motive should always be to give grace to those who hear. Because in this conversation, grace is exactly what we need.
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A version of this piece originally appeared at phyliciamasonheimer.com, published with permission.
