My Dearest Darling Children,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but since I’ve been a Giant Buzz Kill basically since the first time you tried to put your tiny toddler fingers in an electrical outlet and I frantically screamed “NOOOOOO!!!” — I guess you’re kinda used to hearing this sort of thing from me. So here goes:
You guys are in serious trouble. Well, at least the older two of you are. Your little brother isn’t quite old enough to have gotten in this deep yet—but I actually hope his day is coming.