You may think you need porn to understand how women work. You may hear this is educational and normal and healthy. How else will you understand how to please a woman if you don’t figure out how all this stuff works?
My sweet boys, sex is not that complicated. If you get married you will find you have the best and only teacher you’ll ever need. Your wife. She will tell you what she wants and she is a unique individual creature to be valued and heard. She knows what makes her feel safe and loved. And it works both ways. Before I married your dad, my mom said to me, “There’s nothing in Cosmopolitan Magazine that your husband can’t teach you. Don’t let them tell you what he wants, let him tell you.” I know— gross, Grandma. But she was right.
Your wife doesn’t need you to be more “experienced” or knowledgable about these issues. When you invest your energy in studying the curves of women who have bodies created by science and photoshop, you are robbing from your own ability to enjoy your wife. That is no gift to her. When you spend hours viewing men who have made their career selling themselves as sexual masters, you are going to feel inadequate. You have to remember– porn will only continue to make money as long as it continues to make you believe you need it. You don’t need it. And it’s hurting you.
If you want to create a beautiful sexual expression of love with your wife, there are things she needs from you. She needs to feel confident in her body. She needs to feel safe with you. She needs to feel free to express her desires. She needs to feel respected if she says “no” to something. Porn undermines all of those things. Every. single. one.
Read the rest of this amazing letter here at A Musing Maralee
