But lately, I feel almost empty.
I feel like I wasted my education.
I feel like a housekeeper, a cook, a chauffeur, and a ring leader.
I feel like I’m disappearing into nothing.
Some days I am shocked at what upsets me.
I didn’t know I could be jealous of my husband for getting to poop alone. He’ll be in the bathroom, on his phone, and I’ll be angry.
I’ll yell for him to hurry up as one kid is crying, the other one needs to be fed and the phone is ringing.
The other day my husband and I drew straws to determine who got to go upstairs and change the pee sheets. Because it meant 5 minutes alone. I lost.
That’s what it’s come too.
I didn’t know that I could consider a shower a luxury either. Or not have time to do it. It blows my mind.
I am a very capable woman and I can’t find time to shower. I laugh even as I type it.
But with a baby, a very socially active 6-year-old and a severely autistic child, showers have to be before 5 am or after 10 pm. And by that point, this mama is exhausted.
I used to care about how I looked. Like really care. I ate well. I exercised. I showered. I put makeup on. I’d peek at hashtags on Instagram like ‘outfits for summer’ and pin cute outfits.
Now, I wear hoodies. Dirty ones. Grey t-shirts.
I grab my clothes off of the floor every morning.
