None of Us Have it Together, Mama, So Stop Comparing

perfect mom

Sister, that perfect mom, she’s a myth. The one you’re comparing yourself to? She doesn’t have it altogether either, she might just be better at hiding it.

I see you. Scrolling through your phone, measuring yourself to the highlight reel of friends and family. Looking at the other mamas in the school drop off and at work wondering how they make it look so easy.

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Can I be honest with you? It’s an illusion. It’s what they want you to see. No one wants to air out their dirty laundry; to show their messy.

When you wonder how the selfie-taking gym mama manages to work out five days a week while you wear yoga pants, not for the gym, but because they are the only thing that fits you right now.

What you don’t see? The health issues she is trying to overcome.

When you see the mama going on date nights and kid-less vacations with her husband while you and your hubby haven’t had a night out together in over 8 months.

What you don’t see? A marriage on the rocks and a couple trying to save it.

When you see the Pinterest savvy party planner mama; president of the PTA and never a hair out of place while you stroll up to school drop off rocking a cold coffee, sweatpants and a messy dry shampoo bun.

What you don’t see? The crippling anxiety that she battles daily just to walk out the door.

What I’m getting at is, don’t compare. Don’t compare yourself to someone’s incomplete picture because you don’t know the whole story.

None of us have it all together.

That Perfect Mom? She doesn’t exist.

We all doubt ourselves. We feel guilt. We cry. We lose our patience. We get overwhelmed. We forget. We hide in the bathroom for two seconds of silence. We mess up. We feel less than beautiful some days or maybe all days. We worry if we are getting any of this right; if we are screwing up our kids in the process.

And do you know what else we all have? We’re real. Human. In the flesh, mamas doing the best we can.

I don’t care if you breastfeed or bottle feed.

If you co-sleep or sleep train.

If you feed your child only organic or you just went through the McDonald’s drive-thru.

If you are a make everything from scratch or a ready-made, bring in Krispy Kremes to the bake sale kind of mama.

You are a good mama. Stop comparing. Stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side, because it’s not.

There is always going to be someone who is skinnier, whose kids are more well-behaved than ours, who somehow manage to find a babysitter every Friday night. Mama’s who are Martha Stewart in the flesh, who make a mean casserole and whose crafting skills put yours to shame.

But can I tell you a secret? I guarantee someone somewhere, right now is looking at you thinking the exact same thing, “Why can’t I be more like her?”

So do me a favor. When you feel like you are the only one who can never get it together, remember that we are ALL right there with you.

Don’t be afraid to show your messy, sister. Wear it with pride, because your messy? It means you’re living. And that perfect mom? She doesn’t exist.


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Jennifer Thompson
Jennifer is a working mom, blogger, wife, and mama to one rambunctious little boy. Surviving motherhood with a good laugh, dance parties, lots of coffee and a glass of wine. Follow along with her blog for the not so perfect, unorganized and unfiltered working mom at www.theywhinesoiwine.com.