I thought I would be so much better at this motherhood thing. I also thought my jeans wouldn’t fit this tightly, yet here I am. I thought I would be on time more – more organized and put together. I thought I would be the mom who spun up amazing weekly Pinterest crafts. There would be homemade Valentine boxes and Halloween treats made from scratch. We would practice our letters – daily. I thought I would cook all the things, be all the things – crush all the things.
But the truth is – I’m inconsistent. I have gaps for days. I lack patience when I should have it. I can’t get Sunday meal prep to stick to save my life. I sleep through my alarm notoriously. I eat Post Oreo cereal at the kitchen counter and my kiddos uneaten mini corn dogs for dinner because I’m not about to let those bad boys go to waste. I mean clearly I am the poster child for healthy choices. I have about 150 casseroles saved to my Pinterest board, do I use them? NOPE. Instead, I have help every week from a little box called Hamburger Helper and I’m not sad about it. I drink coffee like it’s my job. I’m a planner, yet somehow perpetually late everywhere I go. The number on the scale? Yep, that’s inconsistent too.
Everywhere I look my inconsistencies scream the word “when.” When are you going to get it together? When are you going to lose the weight? When are you going to eat better, be more patient, be on time?
WHEN, when, when???
But sis, let me tell you something about inconsistencies. Do I hate them? Absolutely. They drive my perfection chasing brain crazy. They remind me of all the areas that need improvement. I fixate on them. I dwell and stew.
But, I’m learning something the older I get. I’m never going to be consistent. Ever. No matter how hard I try. And you aren’t either. Somewhere along the way, I created this picture-perfect idea of what motherhood would be and honestly it’s not true. Is motherhood beautiful? Absolutely. Is it hard? You freaking bet. The stars aren’t going to align every single day of your life. Even the most intentional people, have their day derail.
So you’re perpetually late.
So you don’t feed your kids organic and they watch too much TV some days.
So you’re still not able to fit in those size 8 jeans in your closet, but you refuse to let them go because someday you’re getting back in them.
So you slept through your alarm and late AGAIN, running like a madwoman changing diapers and serving up frozen waffles.
I’m right there with you sis, I am.
But, it has NOTHING to do with who you are as a woman. It has nothing to do with who you are and how you show up for your family every single day. Stop looking at your inconsistencies and seeing them as gaps. Stop fixating on the “when” and start looking at today; this moment right now. Whatever happened five minutes ago, it’s over sis. Put it down.
So, no motherhood isn’t quite the way I had envisioned, but truthfully I’m glad. It’s made me stronger. More resilient. Am I consistent? Hardly, but honestly – who cares.
This piece originally appeared at They Whine, So I Wine, published with permission.