Those words make me shudder.
So how do we teach our kids to ask for help?
The number one way to teach our kids to ask for help is to let them see us asking for it as well. Teach by example. Embrace your imperfections and be vulnerable in front of your kids. This is perhaps the most dominant theme you will hear from Brené Brown (I’ve heard her speak in person on the topic twice, she’s phenomenal!), and it’s vitally important to helping your kids battle pride. There’s a fine line between showing them your vulnerabilities and being down on yourself, however: your negative self-talk is not going to help your kids at all. However, your willingness to admit you cannot do it all, cannot be perfection to all people, and your willingness to ask for help and accept help when you need it may just make all the difference in their adult lives.
One way I practice this is to ask my children for help. Yes, I as a parent, ask my kids for help all the time. They see me working full-time and still getting them to their activities and appointments, still getting dinner made and being a wife…but I openly admit t them when I am struggling. I ask my big kids for help with my youngest often when I am making dinner or finishing up work. They know they are assigned their specific chores because as a family we are also a TEAM and we all have to pitch in. Recently, I have battled an injury to my left hand and even have to ask for help from my teenager for some of the littlest things, like opening a peanut butter jar or closing a ziploc bag. It is, indeed, humbling.
But it is also 100% necessary for me to ask for help to keep our household functioning. And through it all, I can see that they are watching me as I navigate this injury, and I pray that they are learning that Mom asking for help over and over again is a good thing. I pray that they will generalize this to their own life experiences.
I want my children to be able to fight their own battles and survive on their own in the world, to be capable adults, that is for sure. But I don’t want to err on the side of making them think they can do it all, that they HAVE to do it all, or that they don’t need anyone in their lives,
I am doing the best I can to parent them with what I have…and to teach them that it’s ok to ask for help with what I DON’T have. I know in my heart that is one of the very best gifts I can give them.
