When Your Child DOES Show Respect
When your child does show respect and listen the first time you ask him to do something, point it out and CELEBRATE that big time. That is a great way for your child to learn what it looks like to be respectful. For example, you could say, “I love the way you asked so nicely for dinner,” or “That is so kind how you shared with your friend.” Those statements are incentive for your child to repeat the good behavior.
You can read my post about encouraging your child to listen the first time with positive reinforcement like a marble jar, here.
When to Use Correction & Redirection Instead of Consequences
There are times your child will just need correction and redirection – after all, they are learning. If he doesn’t know a particular behavior and what’s expected, it’s not fair to give a consequence. Make sure he first understands what is expected.
Redirection can also be helpful when your child says something in a disrespectful way. If your child is two or three, he’s probably not aware he’s speaking rudely. Or, if he hasn’t been corrected when he speaks that way, it’s probably just a habit now. Your child needs to learn the right way to speak to you and others consistently to break that habit. Don’t accept anything less and it will improve.
If you expect your child to speak respectfully now and stay consistent with it, he will be more likely to speak respectfully when he’s older. I know the redirecting can be tiring, but again, it will pay off so much later and will only help him in home, school, life because you’re training him in what’s acceptable.
A Behavior That Needs Redirection
For example, if your child wants something and says, “Give it to me now,” I wouldn’t give him a timeout because you don’t want to go timeout crazy – that would exhaust him and at that age, sometimes they just need to be redirected with some things they’re still learning. I’d just calmly say, “How do you ask for that nicely?” Then, don’t give him what it is he wants until he asks nicely. He’ll learn. Quickly. The Law of Sowing and Reaping is in effect here because the natural consequence is not being able to have the item he wants until he asks nicely. You’re giving him a chance to learn and correct himself. Natural consequences are very effective.
A Behavior That Needs a Consequence
On the other hand, if he plays roughly with banging something and you have already asked him to stop but he keeps doing it, he knows that’s wrong. Take the item away and then tell him, “You didn’t listen when I asked you to stop so you will lose the toy during timeout. When I ask you to stop, you need to stop. That’s respectful. I love you.”
Respect is one of the most important things our children need to learn as they grow up.
Then after the timeout, give him the toy again to see if he handles it well and doesn’t bang it. If he bangs it again, DO NOT warn him that you’ll take it away if he does it again. You already told him that. Just take the toy away for the whole day and give him another timeout for disrespecting you by not listening. Let him know he has a timeout for not listening when you asked him to not bang the toy.
After the timeout, let him know he lost the toy for the whole day for not listening, but that he can try and play with it again tomorrow. Tell him again that he needs to respect you by listening to what you ask him to do and doing it right away. Then, tell him you love him, and move on. Try your best to catch him soon listening the first time so you can give him some encouragement.
When Our Kids Are Just Tired
Sometimes our kids are just plain tired and need a rest and that’s why they’re misbehaving. When my kids were this age, if they seemed worn out, I tried to recognize that and would just read them a book to calm them or let them nap.
Parenting with Grace & Truth
Parenting can be really hard because it’s not an exact formula. But, if we can try our best to parent our kids with both grace and truth, that will help them, not only now, but later on as well. We want our kids to learn the Law of Sowing and Reaping when they’re in our homes so they don’t have to learn it the first time from others.
I’m learning more about parenting every single day and I still have much to learn. But, I hope this post has offered you some practical tips and ideas. If so, that would be great if you’d share it with others.
Lastly, remember that every single child at this stage challenges in some way – it’s normal. It’s how we respond and what we do about it that affects our children’s behavior going forward.
We’re all in this together. You can do this!
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This post originally appeared at LinseyDriskill.com, published with permission.
