I needed to understand what my thoughts were doing to me. Because even if I was praying and telling God I trusted in his handiwork, if I was also filling my head with fear, worry, regrets, or worst case projections, then the prayer wasn’t helping me. I was still attempting to control the uncontrollable or make sense of the things I’d never understand.
My tattoo is now a permanent reminder of God’s encouragement to ‘be still and know.’ And I’ve been practicing being still ever since. Meditation has become one of my spirit animals. Yoga is another. For me, that’s what it took to quiet the racing thoughts so I could let God love me. So I could heal. So I could give up control once and for all, and simply know God is God and I am not. I’m a firm believer that Jesus mastered the art of embracing stillness. Just think about all the thoughts he had to turn off on his walk to the cross…
Unfortunately, this pandemic isn’t a one and done traumatic event. It’s a reality we face every morning we wake up, so it’s doubly hard right now to stop ‘thinking about what happened,’ considering it’s still happening. But, we can still find peace in the stillness. Every moment we can get beneath the anxious chatter in our heads: the narratives we are spinning, the fears we are projecting, the inner critic we are listening to, the better off we are.
When we do our best to quiet these thoughts and spend more time in our heart, we will find renewed energy in the stillness. And if we struggle to do this, we need to ask for help, scream for help, beg for help–and be okay doing so.
You all have my heart. How can I help?
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This post originally appeared at Shelby Spear, Finding Grace in the Mishmash, published with permission.
