‘I Have Found the One My Soul Loves’—7 Tips for Pursuing a Godly Marriage

5. Look for a Person Who Serves Christ

The goal of our lives is not to pursue our own happily-ever-after story. The truth is, the story is all about Him–– it is His-story. And with every generation, God raises up those He entrusts to continue His story of redeeming the lost.

God calls each one of us to serve Christ, and He grants us spiritual gifts to do so. When you’re searching for a soul mate, rather than taking a time out from serving Christ, ask Him to give you the zeal to serve Him.

And, if while you are serving the Lord you notice someone who is helping you in your ministry, or running just as zealously for God’s Kingdom, they just might be the one He would have you serve Christ with for the rest of your life.

Consider Suzanne and Kevin’s story. Suzanne had waited for years to get married. She’d watched all of her college friends wed and start their families. At times her loneliness was almost too much to bare. But Suzanne continued to serve the Lord in children’s ministries.

One day, she met a coffee barista who happened ask her about the colorful bracelet she had on her wrist. Suzanne explained how she had made 40 bracelets to hand out at Vacation Bible School. When Kevin responded that he was going to be a children’s pastor, Suzanne’s heart fluttered as she pondered, Could he be the one? And in fact, he was!

6. Ask God for Wisdom and Discernment

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Rather than relying on your own feelings––which are unreliably fickle, seek the Lord’s wisdom to help you discern a godly mate.

To show how God gets involved in matchmaking, there’s a fun story in Genesis chapter 24. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son, Isaac. Can you imagine if your dad sent his servant to go fetch a spouse for you?

Anyway, the servant understood the awesomeness of his task, so He asked God to help him discern who He would have become Isaac’s wife. Please note, I don’t suggest you follow this example of asking God for a sign. I’ve known too many people who thought God gave them a sign in their mate quest. Only to regretfully learn later that they may have misinterpreted, or manipulated circumstances to point to signs of marriage.

You can, however, learn from the servant’s example when he asked for prayed: “Oh LORD God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness…”

7. Seek Godly Counselors

The book of Proverbs says there is safety in a multitude of counselors (see Proverbs 11:4, 24:6). And Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans go awry, but in a multitude of counselors they are established. So, take to heart this biblical advice to invite godly counselors into your dating life.

For some that might mean looking listening to godly parent’s opinions about the one to whom they may be attracted. For others, it may mean finding a godly friend in your church who walks in God’s wisdom.

For example, when at church Allison, a single mom, met Sean, a new believer, she didn’t want to rely on her own feelings of attraction. She’d already gone that route and the results were disastrous.

So, when Sean started showing interest in Allison they began meeting with their pastor. For more than a year the couple met with godly leaders to grow in their walk with Christ, and to discern whether marriage would be something He would honor.

When Sean was finally ready to ask Allison to be his bride, both believed the Lord would bless their union. And blessed He has, while even a decade into their marriage they continue to seek godly marriage mentors for their relationship.

Finding your soul’s mate is something of a mystery. Proverbs 30:18-20 describes it this way:

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.”

There is nothing more fulfilling than being married to the one whom your soul loves (Song of Solomon 3:4). If you’ve been waiting a long time for God to bring the right one along, don’t lose heart. I promise His best is worth the wait!

While you wait, remember, if you genuinely want to find a mate who’s soul is knit together with yours, let God’s Truth be your guide, be equally yoked with one who loves and serves Christ, walk in the Spirit, look for spiritual fruit (in their life while, growing it in your own), ask God for wisdom and rely on godly counselors.

In Rhonda’s book Real Life Romance, you can read the rest of Susanne & Kevin and Allison & Sean’s love stories––and many others!

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This post originally appeared at Crosswalk.com, published with permission.

Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. With more than 30 years experience of helping women  build no regrets lives. I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night, is what women say about Rhonda’s enthusiastic, humorous, transparent teaching, and zeal as an evangelist. 

She’s committed to fulfill the Titus 2:4 commission by mentoring, teaching and writing books that are inspiring, grounded in Scripture and easy to read––like you’re visiting with a friend over coffee. 

Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs including: Focus on the FamilyFamily Life Today and Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk, & hosts The No Regrets Hour. She’s an evangelist and speaker at women’s events, College Women’s Chapel, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and Homeschool Conventions. Sharing the gospel at her NoRegretsWoman Conference is her sweet spot. Rhonda is a regular contributor for Crosswalk and many other magazines.

Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who for 20 years has pastored First Baptist Church of Patterson, California.  They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching and to book Rhonda for your next event visit: NoRegretsWoman.com.


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Rhonda Stoppe
Rhonda Stoppe is the NO REGRETS WOMAN. With more than 30 years experience of helping women build a no regrets lives. I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night, is what women say about Rhonda’s enthusiastic, humorous, transparent teaching, and zeal as an evangelist. She’s committed to fulfill the Titus 2:4 commission by mentoring, teaching and writing books that are inspiring, grounded in Scripture and easy to read––like you're visiting with a friend over coffee. Rhonda is the author of 6 books and appears on numerous radio programs including Dr. James Dobson’s FamilyTalk, Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and hosts The No Regrets Hour. She speaks at women’s events, Pastor’s Wives Conferences, MOPs and homeschool conventions. Sharing the gospel is her sweet spot––she’s an evangelist at heart. Rhonda ministers alongside her husband Steve, who pastors First Baptist Church of Patterson, California. They live out their own Real Life Romance writing books and speaking at their No Regrets Marriage Conferences, but their favorite ministry is their family. They have four grown children and 10 grandchildren. To learn more about Rhonda’s speaking topics, watch her teaching and to book Rhonda for your next event visit: NoRegretsWoman.com. Watch this fun video of Steve & Rhonda sharing their own Real Romance story.